


A Bittersweet Retreat

by witandwaldorf



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Alternate Universe, Camping, Drama, F/M, Romance, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-02-04 05:13:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12763902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witandwaldorf/pseuds/witandwaldorf
Summary: Blair Waldorf is ready to redefine her life. She's about to embark on a two-week retreat that's anything but fit for an Upper East Sider. She plans to make new connections and most importantly, become a bolder and brighter version of herself. The only problem? She just found out her stepbrother's best friend, Dan, is coming on the retreat too and she'll be forced to endure his (annoying) presence for the next two weeks.





	1. Chapter 1

As I zip up the last of my bags, I let out a sigh. I momentarily wonder if I've made a mistake, signing up for this two-week retreat in the wilderness, but then remember that it's too late to back out.

When I first signed up for this retreat, three months ago, I felt as though my life was in shambles. What would have been my wedding date was rapidly approaching and I realized that over the course of the past year, I had made little change in my life. After my engagement to Carter Baizen, my college boyfriend, ended, I thought it was the beginning of a new start for me. But 12 months later, I was still leading the dull life I swore I'd change.

So this is now my fresh start. An adventurous retreat that no one would ever expect me, Blair Waldorf to embark upon. I would be thrust into an environment completely out of my comfort zone, I would try new experiences such as zip lining, archery, and hiking that would change my life. I was determined to make these two weeks the start of my extraordinary life.

I grab the little pink cat carrier that my beloved pet is tucked into and head out the door. As I climb into the car, I open the latch of the crate beside me. "Cat, what will I do without you for the next two weeks?" I say into Cat's soft orange fur. "Or I should say, what will you do without me?"

I think for the umpteenth time what a very bad idea it is to have my unreliable younger stepbrother Aaron in charge of Cat for the next fourteen days. Aaron, who became my stepbrother when I was 10 and he was 6. I was desperate for someone to watch Cat rather than board her which seemed so sad and lonely so when Aaron offered, I was hard pressed to say no. So here I am, on my way to drop her off and praying he will follow through on a promise, for once.

Pulling up to Aaron's apartment complex, I tuck Cat back into her crate and climb out of the car. I knock on the door and glance at my watch, I gave him a half hour leeway, a classic trick in which I always lie about the time by padding it with 30 minutes so he's less likely to be late. I hear music playing rather loudly and decide he probably didn't hear me knock.

Opening the door, I discover that the raucous apartment is packed with Aaron nowhere in site. I traipse past the drunken crowd of at least 20 people and head straight for his bedroom, I knock loudly and try the door but it's locked.

"What the fuck?" I mutter. "Aaron, open the door!" When there's no reply I try the next door which is ajar. As I knock, it pushes open and I peer into the dimly lit room. "Aaron?" I ask tentatively.

"Blair," Comes a voice that's not Aaron's. Once the door opens fully, I see it's Dan, Aaron's equally infuriating roommate.

"Oh," I say, stepping back feeling as though I've intruded. "Sorry, I was just looking for Aaron."

"I figured. But he's… preoccupied at the moment." He says, vaguely. "Can I help you though?"

"Not really. What is he doing? Is he here? Can you open his door for me?" I start to head down the hallway towards Aaron's door. Dan's voice halts me.

Dan smirks, "I don't think you'd want me to do that."

"Why not?" I say, dubiously.

Surveying his expression, I realize what he means. There's definitely a girl in there. "Oh god, don't tell me." I wrinkle my nose. "Gross…"

Dan laughs and then seems to notice Cat as he steps into the hallway with me. "He was supposed to watch her, wasn't he?" He gestures towards Cat.

"Yep. I should have known better than to trust him to do it though. I thought maybe for once he would prove me wrong by following through." I sigh, frustratedly. "I'll have to board her instead."

"I'm sorry." Dan frowns. "I wish I could help."

An idea strikes me, "You wouldn't want to watch her, would you? I'd pay you. She's a really friendly cat too, she likes everyone."

"I don't think that'll work." He starts saying but I ignore him and pull Cat out of the crate.

"How can you say no to this face?" I proffer Cat who looks frightened by Dan.

"Yours or hers?" Dan laughs.

"Both."

"It's not that I want to say no, but I won't be here to watch her. Remember?"

I shake my head, "Why not? Are you moving out?"

He gives me an odd look, "No, just won't be here for two weeks. Summer vacation," He adds.

I put Cat back into her crate. "Fine, it was worth a try. I better go then and let you get back to your party."

"It's not my party," Dan says. "I'm trying to work." He gestures towards his desk which is covered in papers and an open laptop.

"It's Aaron's and he can't even be bothered to attend his own party? So typical." I say in an irritated tone.

This whole time we've been talking, I have been mentally trying to work out what's different about Dan. Now that we're in the hallway which is far brighter than his dim room, I suddenly realize. "You cut your hair? Didn't it used to be long?"

Dan looks at me quizzically, "Yeah, over two years ago."

Had it really been two years? For some reason, I had retained the image of him of when I first met him. Long curly hair that went past his ears framing a boyish face. But now, with his hair cropped closer to his head and the only curls remaining reaching just to his forehead, he looked far more mature.

"Oh." I say, blandly. Not being able to think of anything else to say, I start to back away. "Well, I'll let you get back to studying. If that's even possible with this noise level."

"I'll see you in the morning." Dan responds, jovially.

"What?" I say, stopping in my tracks. "I'm not giving Aaron another chance to watch Cat, if that's what you think."

"I know. I meant to pick you up. 9 works right? I'm guessing you'll need an hour to get Cat settled in the boarding facility." He says factually.

My brows knit in confusion. "Why would you pick me up?" I say in total bewilderment.

"So we can ride together to the retreat." Dan says, as though it's obvious.

"But you aren't going anymore. I thought you guys couldn't." Aaron had told me that they were going on the retreat too when I told him of my plans. I had begged him to cancel their trip and even played the "broken heart card" but he refused. He said I had only found out about the retreat because of him so he claimed it first. It turned out, he was right about that but I hadn't realized that Rooted Retreat brochure I found in my purse had been picked up at his apartment when I booked the trip. I honestly thought it just was passed to me by a friend or colleague.

"Aaron can't go, but I can." Dan corrects.

"Why would you still go? You won't know anyone." I point out, desperate to get him to change his mind.

"Yes I will," He says steadily. "I'll know you."

I shake my head. "You can't go. Besides, Aaron will miss you. Don't you two do everything together?"

"He'll be fine without me. Besides, it's too late to cancel." He's right about that, the retreat has a strict cancellation policy. That was one of Aaron's other reasons for not canceling. Of course, in the end, he had to forgo the retreat anyways since he failed a class required for his degree, forcing him to do summer school.

I sigh in resignation. "Okay, but I am not riding with you."

"Why not? It's over a five-hour drive and we're leaving from the same city. It'll save you from loneliness in the long town car rid."

"My town car isn't lonely." I say, defiantly. "I enjoy the silence. That's the point of the retreat anyways, to get some peace and quiet."

"Well, I could use the company. You aren't going to make me drive alone, are you? I could fall asleep at the wheel and you would be to blame."

"You're going to fall asleep at the wheel after only five hours of driving?" I say incredulously.

"I'll be so bored from not having anyone to talk to. It'll knock me right out." Dan mimes falling asleep.

Cat is still scratching at her cage throughout this exchange and finally, she lets out a hiss. I have to get her home and out of this crate, I realize. Letting out an exasperated breath, I say "Fine, I'll go with you. Only on the way there though. Not on the way back."

"Deal." Dan smiles, clearly satisfied with winning the argument.

I think again how very annoying he is and how the only reason he probably wants me to go with him is so he can continue to irritate me for 5 whole hours. And the remainder of the two-week trip, I realize with a shudder.

One of my biggest issues with Dan, my stepbrother's best friend and now roommate, is how he brings out the worst qualities in Aaron. Prior to his senior year of high school, Aaron was somewhat tolerable. In the 20 years I had known him, he had followed me around incessantly. I was the sibling he had always wanted but for me, he was the nuisance I never needed. I thought once he hit adolescence he would become more manageable and for the most part that was true. He got good grades, mostly followed our parents' rules, and stayed out of trouble. Until senior year when he nearly got expelled, almost didn't graduate, and tried to defer for a year.

That same year, he became best friends with Dan who had just transferred for his last year to St. Jude's where Aaron went. Since that fated school year, Dan would proceed to insert himself into every family function. From Thanksgiving to Christmas even to summer vacations, Dan would be there. Having one brother was bad enough, I certainly didn't need his sidekick trailing along too. Luckily, I could avoid the two for most of the years since I was already in college and thankfully living on campus. But now, years on we all live in the same city. Aaron and Dan's apartment just a 10-minute walk from mine.

I thought for once the proximity might prove useful but as I let Cat out of her crate once I'm home, I realize how foolish I ever was to think that would work. It was bad enough that my stepbrother proved unreliable once again but to learn that Dan would be tagging along on what's supposed to me my independent life changing experience made matters even worse. As I climb into bed that night, I try to push the thought away. Instead, I will just have to focus on all the new experiences I'll have that will certainly make it easier to forget he is there.


	2. Chapter 2

 I arrive back at my apartment the following morning sans Cat who is safely tucked into the boarding facility to see Dan, already waiting out front.

"Hey," He says, as I approach.

"You're early," I say, opening the door to my apartment complex which he follows me into.

"It's 9." He raises his watch-clad arm.

"I figured you work on Aaron time which would translate to 9:45, at the earliest." I say as we walk up the stairs.

"Nope, besides I know you hate when people run late."

I crease my brow in surprise at his unexpected remark. I put the key in my door and unlock it, letting him in.

"Your apartment still looks good. The couch working out for you?" He gestures toward my tufted ivory sofa.

I stare blankly at him, unregistering his comment.

"Remember? I helped you move it in here?" He says slowly, as though he's willing me to remember.

Suddenly, the memory hits me and I flush, so I turn away to grab my bags to hide it. "Right, thanks again for helping me that day." I clear my throat in discomfort.

"Of course." He comes over to where I stand, beside my bags. "Can I help you carry those down?"

I hand him my pale pink floral Kate Spade duffle bag, smiling at the femininity of it. He doesn't flinch though and takes it with no comment. Strange, I think to myself. Aaron would have point blank refused. I guess Dan is less flappable.

Doing one last check over, I decide I have everything and we head out of my apartment. Once we're outside again, I learn that Dan drives a black hatchback. It only looks a year or two old and is surprisingly clean and well-maintained. Unlike Aaron's formerly new Prius which is littered with trash and hasn't been washed in months. "Your car is nice," I say in surprise. "Very pristine."

"Thanks," Dan says, slightly taken aback. I suppose he wouldn't be used to compliments from me. He loads the bags into the trunk and then opens my door for me. No turning back now, I think to myself.

Once we get on the road, Dan's phone's GPS successfully routed to the retreat with an estimated 5 hours to get there, he turns toward me. "So, how have you been?"

"I'm good." I say as I reach into my Chloe bag and pull out a pale pink lip gloss.

"You're okay?" He says with a slight frown.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I say a little curtly. I begin reapplying my lip gloss.

"You know with... the…" He trails off.

I finish for him, "Broken engagement? Called off wedding? You can say it, it's not like I forgot about it."

"Right, of course not. I just wanted to see if you were… okay, since that." He says, a little repetitively.

"Of course, I'm great." I nod as though to reaffirm this as fact. The last person I would tell how I actually am would be Dan.

"Okay," He says, unconvinced. "I just was curious since you signed up for this. It doesn't seem very…" He reaches for a word and then finds it at last. "Blair Waldorf-y."

"Why not? I can be adventurous." I turn to give him a look. "Are you saying you don't think I can?"

"No, I just was surprised that's all. You know you'll basically be camping right? And hiking most of the time? There'll be bugs, nature, trees, and no Barneys for miles."

"Yes, thank you, Daniel. I did read the pamphlet." I hold up the Rooted Retreat brochure to prove my point.

"Alright, just wanted to check." He keeps his eyes straight ahead on the road.

"Besides, it's not  _camping_  camping. We'll be in cabins." I correct him.

"True. But you know there's the solo hikes which you have to camp out in a tent for a night."

I nod, "I do know that and I am fully prepared."

"So you know how to set up a tent?"

"I'll figure it out," I say confidently. What he doesn't know is that I've already figured it out. I'll feign an illness on the day that the solo hikes are supposed to happen. Then I can spend the day enjoying the retreat all to myself without having to worry about spending the night in the woods with bears lurking about.

"Of course you will." He says with a slight smile.

I don't know if he was trying to be sarcastic but either way, I didn't like that conversation. Why does everyone act like I am such a princess? My mother had the same reaction when I told her I was going on this retreat. She thought maybe it was actually a rehab and I had some sort of addiction to sort out.

I pull out my headphones and put them in, switching on my audiobook. Dan takes the hint and switches on his radio, meanwhile, I turn up the volume on my headphones to block out whatever dreadful music he just put on. This would how I would survive this endless car trip with Dan, by listening to the melodious voice of Brene Brown telling me how to redefine my life.

Three hours later, Dan announces he's going to stop for gas and asks if I need to use the restroom.

"You think I am going to use a gas station bathroom?" I say, wrinkling my nose.

"Well, you are going to be in the wilderness in about two hours so yes."

"Actually, the facilities at Rooted are state-of-the-art. It's all glimmering marble and there's an abundance of hot water. I did my research." I pull out my phone and open the Maps app. "There's a coffee shop down the street, I'll use their bathroom."

Dan rolls his eyes and closes the car door behind him as he goes to the gas pump. Fifteen minutes later, we're back on the road, We're in a part of New York I've never seen before and I must admit, it's pretty breathtaking. There's so much greenery, I forget that outside the concrete jungle of New York there's so much vibrant color.

Dan seems to notice me looking out the window, "Pretty amazing, isn't it?"

I nod, "It really is. Have you spent a lot of time outside the city?"

"Of course. I went to Brown."

I whirl my head away from the window to stare at him in disbelief. "No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did." He corrects.

"But you couldn't have. You lived with Aaron and he definitely didn't go to Brown."

"Right, but I did. We lived in off-campus housing so we could room together."

I blink a few times. "How did  _you_  go to an Ivy League?"

"You know, you're beginning to offend me. Is it so unlikely that I could go to an Ivy League?"

"Well, I mean, your best friend is Aaron. Let's face it, he's not the brightest bulb in the box."

Dan laughs. "He's smart, he just doesn't try hard enough."

I contemplate this for a moment, "Doesn't try hard enough sums him up, I would say."

"By the way, he really did want to watch Cat. He had planned it all out. He bought cat food, food and water bowls, some cat toys, even a litter box." Dan says, glancing over at me.

"Shame he couldn't actually complete the most important part of pet sitting." I say, deadpan.

"I know, I just think maybe you should cut him some slack. He had a rough week."

I roll my eyes, "I've had a rough year, you don't see me shirking my responsibilities."

Dan doesn't say anything, he just looks at me for a moment and then faces the road again. "I can't disagree with that." He says at last.

Two hours later, we finally arrive at Rooted Retreat which is buried deep in the forest. As I step out of the car, I can feel the change in atmosphere. The air has a freshness that you don't find in the city. I can feel the clarity of the unpolluted oxygen in my lungs as I breathe in the surroundings. I glance around and see other retreat attendees unloading their bags. Each retreat session has a maximum of 30 attendees, to prevent overcrowding and help create "a mindfully intimate environment," according to the website. As I glance around, I see most of these people who I suppose I'll be getting to know over the next two weeks are alarmingly young. They all look like Dan's age, or younger.

"Oh god," I mutter as we walk in the door and I see even more college-looking kids. "What have I gotten myself into? I thought this retreat was for adults."

"What are you talking about?" Dan says, in a low voice, glancing around. "They are adults?"

"Of course you're going to say that. They're all your age. None of them look a day over 20."

"Blair, I'm not 20. I'm 22." Dan says, frowning at me.

"Oh pardon me, huge difference." I say melodramatically, raising my hand sardonically.

"It is actually," Dan's tone is serious. "Besides, you're barely older than I am."

I shake my head. "Four years, actually."

"Precisely.  _Only_  four years."

I stop walking and turn to face him. "Dan, let me tell you. Four years is a whole lot when it spans your twenties. You are just out of college, barely burdened with responsibilities, just wait until you're over a quarter-way through your life. You'll be jaded-"

He cuts me off, "Are you jaded?"

"No, I'm not jaded." I say furiously. "Nevermind," Giving up on my lecture, I grab my bags out of his hands,

"Let's check in separately. We'll look like we're together, otherwise." I instruct him as we approach.

"We are together, we drove here together." Dan points out.

"Well, we aren't  _together_. I wouldn't want anyone to think I came here with you willingly." I whisper in an undertone.

Dan's face creases momentarily before I walk off towards the check-in area.

"Okay everyone!" A peppy looking girl with blonde hair the color of wheat says once we've all finished checking in and are standing around the lobby. "Welcome to Camp Rooted! This two-week retreat will leave you feeling refreshed, detoxed, and rejuvenated. It looks like you've all already started getting acquainted which is great. By the end of the two weeks, we can guarantee you'll all share a lifetime's worth of memories. Once we've shown you all to your cabins, we will reconvene in the dining hall where we have a welcome dinner and we'll all learn each other's names. Sound good?"

Some cheers erupt, myself not included, and then we are all following the girl, who's name I've learned is Lark, toward the cabins.

"So, we have assigned you all to cabins through our state-of-the-art algorithm. When you first applied for this retreat, you filled out a questionnaire which asked where you live, what age you are, what your job is, and what your interests are. We then used that to pair you with others who have a closely related lifestyle so as to create lasting friendships." Lark informs us as we await being led into the cabins.

"Let's start with cabin 1." She says and begins calling off a name of 6 people who then go into their cabin, excitedly.

"Blair W.," My name is captured as she reads off the residents of cabin 2. I hold my breath, eager to see who else will be in my cabin. Please not Dan, please not Dan, please not Dan…

"Sophie C., Kipton R., Hannah M.," Only two more to go, I think, slowly letting my breath out. I am feeling quite confident now that he won't be in my cabin. He'll probably be with the other recent college grads. Plus, we have totally different lifestyles, right?

"Penelope L., and Dan H." Wait… Dan H.? Fuck, I just realized I don't know Dan's last name. I actually haven't even seen him since we check in. I look around, trying to place him. I don't see him so I let out a breath. Okay, that must not have been him…

"Hey, looks like we'll be in the same cabin." I jump at the sound of his voice suddenly next to me.

"Fuck, where did you come from? You scared me." I glare at him.

"I was behind you the whole time. You look pleased by the way. You want me to try to trade with someone?"

I let out a breath, "No, it's fine." We follow the others into the cabin and I suddenly wish I would have signed up for a camp that wasn't co-ed. It would have been a certain way to avoid this exact situation.

The cabin is wide and spacious with blonde wood floors and minimalist style furniture. Dan tosses his bag into a top bunk of one of the wide, adult sized bunk beds. I put mine in the bunk below which elicits a look from Dan.

"You sure you want to go there? I know you're trying your best to avoid me."

"I'd rather be under you than next to you." I say flatly. There was no way I'd choose the bunk across from his which was the only other one left. Anytime my eyes shifted sideways I'd be reminded of his presence.

Dan smirks and in that moment I realize what a poor word choice that was. "You want to be under me?"

"Shut up," I say and stalk off to introduce myself to the others.

That evening, we all fill the dining hall for the welcome dinner. The food, naturally, is farm-to-table to promote eating more mindfully and consciously. On the upside, that means it's all fresh and inspired, so no gross cafeteria-style food. The downside is that in an effort to encourage "spreading our roots" there's assigned seating to prevent us from clustering with those we've already formed bonds with. I suppose I should be happy since that rules out anyone in our cabins aka Dan but when I discover my table is full of sorority girls and frat guys, I can't help but wonder who's company would be worse.

The girl sitting next to me introduces herself as Melanie. She has golden, shiny hair, a glowing complexion, sparkling blue eyes, that lean and still blessed with fast metabolism body of a 20-year-old. So basically, she's perfect. I catch on quickly that she's the leader of the other girls as they all emphatically nod along with whatever she says.

She flicks her shoulder length hair behind her ear as she says, "So yeah, we all thought this would make for such a memorable summer. Plus, the college credit is a huge bonus." That explains a lot, I think to myself. I bet all the other kids are doing it for college credit too.

The other girls, Lila, Devries, and Olivia, are busy flirting with the guys who as I suspected, are indeed in a frat. Different colleges than the girls, though, I learn as Lila proclaims when the guys aren't listening that they're all so much more mature than the guys at their school. I glance at one of the guys, Matt, I think was his name, as he's forming walrus teeth by putting a sweet potato wedge at either side of my mouth and roll my eyes.

I can't help but scan the room to see where Dan ended up sitting. I spot him across the dining hall with a group of retreaters around his age. They're all dressed in the same hipster attire as he is and a few of them sport wide-rimmed glasses. They all appear to be engrossed in some deep conversation. Of course, he'd get paired with age-appropriate people he can actually chat amicably with. I'm going to end up being these girls' den mother, not friends.

After we all finish eating, Lark picks up her megaphone to announce that it's time for a friendly Scrabble tournament to "boost the mind and spirit." Apparently, we'll all face off in groups of 5 and the winners of those matches will face off and so on.

I size up my competition which includes Lila, Mark, who's making Lila giggle by forming dirty words with the tiles, Helena, a middle-aged yoga teacher, some generic-looking guy who's name I don't know, and Tricia, who came on a girls getaway trip with her 30-something best friends. I can take them, easily.

Sure enough, I win, scoring over 100 points more than Lila and Mark combined. Now, it's been whittled down to two matches, three in each match. I glance over and see Dan in the other match going on with three others I don't know. In my match is Melanie, who's clearly more clever than her other friends who were all eliminated, and then Kipton from my cabin. Kipton is sort of cute, I've come to notice. He's tanned and muscular with light brown hair and warm hazel eyes. But I won't let that distract me, I decide, I am determined to win.

Our match comes down to me and Melanie in the lead. I just need one more triple word score to edge her out. I spot my opportunity when Kipton lays WHIRL in a horizontal line, leading the row which the R is at straight down to a triple word opening. Luckily, my turn comes before Melanie's so I nab the spot and take the win moments later. It's soon announced that Dan has won his match as well and now, we'll face off.

"Good luck," Melanie whispers to me before I take my seat at the now centered fold out table. "I'll be rooting for you."

I can't help but smile at her, she really is charming, no wonder all the guys have been fawning over her and the girls want to be her. You want to hate her since she's so gorgeous but then she's impossible to hate since she's so genuine and nice.

"Fancy meeting you here." I say to Dan as I slide into my seat across from him. "Ready for total destruction?"

"I wouldn't be so sure of that, Blair." Dan says as he reaches into the bag to draw out seven tiles.

"Mm," I pretend to think. "I'm pretty sure. A Yale degree is far more superior than one from Brown."

Dan gives a sarcastic laugh, "Is it really?"

"Let's face it, anyone who goes to Brown these days is just hoping to spot Emma Watson on campus. It's not for students who take themselves seriously."

"Damn, you caught me. That's exactly why I went to Brown, for my long-enduring crush on Hermione Granger." Dan shakes his head. "If you're so certain you'll win, how about we make a bet?" He says it as Lark turns away to pull more chairs around for the others to sit and watch.

"Done. What are we betting on?" I say knowing I'll win.

Dan doesn't miss a beat. "If I win, you have to do one activity of my choosing during the retreat."

I wrinkle my nose, "Ew, no."

Dan exhales loudly, "Not  _that_  sort of activity. But I see where your mind is at." He raises an eyebrow. "I meant a retreat activity, like archery, or rock climbing."

"Ugh, that sounds just as bad. But fine." I smile as I speak my portion of the bet, "If I win, you owe me one."

"That's too vague." Dan says automatically.

"Like a favor. Like pet sit, for example. And actually, pet sit, not just promise like Aaron."

"Deal." Dan sticks out his hand and we shake on it.

"Looks like all that cat food Aaron bought won't go to waste after all." I say with a wry smile as I arrange my tiles. But my smile soon fades as I'm dismayed to see I only have one high point scoring letter, J. When Dan places his first word, I see he was much luckier than I was by already playing CAVALRY and scoring 34 points. I sigh heavily and lamely play JAILER, scoring 21 points.

The next few plays Dan and I keep our scores close, he's always one step ahead of me though. He keeps nabbing all the best spots to play. But then the tide turns and Dan's hand is clearly limited because he adds an S onto one of my already played words. I can't help but give him a satisfied smirk.

"Did Brown not encourage its students to expand its vocabulary past middle school level? Perhaps I should have brought you a thesaurus for some tutoring." I tease him.

Dan's eyes glimmer, "You'd be the hottest tutor I've ever had. What will you wear? A cardigan, glasses, and a plaid pencil skirt?"

I glare at him, why does he keep turning everything I say into a flirty proposition? "You just described a librarian, not a tutor. You really didn't pay attention in school did you?" I say, bitingly.

"Don't get too confident Waldorf. You have no idea what you're up against." Dan says, placing letters down on the board.

I choose to take the high road and ignore him, looking back down at my tiles to plan my next play. We're nearing the end now, with the bag of tiles weighing less than my jewelry I have on. That's when Lark pops in to give us a friendly reminder that "we're all winners at Rooted."

Once she's out of earshot, I say to Dan. "I'll be the only winner at Rooted tonight."

"So you're planning quite the comeback, huh? Because you're currently down 48 points." Dan gestures to the score sheet.

"No, I'm not, I'm only down-" As I read, I stop in horror. He's right.  _Fuck._  I read the four as a one. I try to mask my shock by saying, "The next word I play will knock you out of the game, so it doesn't matter what I'm down right now."

But that's when he plays QUARTZY which I immediately challenge. "There's no fucking way that's a word!" I shout as he proclaims, "QUARTZY, 164 points."

Lark cuts in "Alright, let's do some calming deep breaths and remember, this is just a friendly mind booster, not a competition. If you recall, we ask all retreaters to refrain from using explicit language and to choose their words carefully." She says in her airy voice.

I've got some choice words for her, I think to myself as she opens the official Scrabble dictionary. "QUARTZY: Resembling quartz." She reads aloud.

Fuck, I just lost the game. Hating myself for doing it but knowing if I don't, I'll scream, I take a few of the calming breaths Lark suggested and feel a tiny bit of my anger evaporate.

I steel myself as I offer him congratulations, just for show. Then, I can't help but ask, "How the hell did you win? Since when are you some sort of Scrabble maniac?"

"I played on a team at Brown." He says a little sheepishly.

"Of course you did." I say sarcastically. In a cutting tone, I warn him, "You better not fucking make me go rock climbing. I just got a manicure." I hold up my pale pink glossed nails.

"Why would you get a manicure before going to a retreat in the wilderness?" Dan asks with a shake of his head. "Anyways, I won't make you go rock climbing so don't worry."

"What are you going to make me do?" I ask.

"You'll find out, in due time." Dan says with a smirk, leaving me to stand anxiously, fretting over what awful activity lay ahead for me.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, we all woke up early and were congregated outside by 8 AM for an orientation meeting. During the meeting, Lark had gone over safety protocol, first aid, and outlined the coming days. Basically, we would mostly have the freedom to choose our own activities. Everyone was encouraged to try different activities each day, though. Meals would be eaten communally at designated meal times. We would also all go on daily night hikes, starting tomorrow, and be guided by their resident astronomer. First, though, we would go on a group hike to get us familiar with the surroundings. In less than two weeks, we would all be tested on our acquired skills during the "solo hikes" which were actually two-person hikes but unled by a retreat leader, which in a way made them solos.

After the lengthy orientation, we all convened for lunch in the dining hall. I plant my Thai almond butter salad down on an empty table and take a seat.

"This seat taken?" Says a serene voice. I glance up to see Melanie and her posse.

"Go ahead," I gesture for her to sit next to me. Lila takes the seat beside her and the other two girls sit across from her.

"So, who's in your cabin?" Melanie asks me as she takes a bite of her TLT, a vegan version of a BLT. I briefly wonder if that's how she's so skinny. Maybe I should go vegan... Melanie breaks my thoughts. "We're all separated." She makes a face to show her displeasure at being parted from her sorority sisters.

I start rattling off the list starting with Sophie and ending with Dan.

"I'm so jealous," Devries says. "Kipton is _so_ dreamy. I saw him shirtless coming out of the men's bathroom today and he's chiseled like a Greek god."

"Same. I am beyond envious," Echoes Olivia. "There's seriously no one cute in my cabin."

"Dan's cute too," Melanie says suddenly and I notice she's looking at where he sits a few tables down.

Automatically, I shake my head. "No way."

She swivels her head back in surprise. "You don't think so? He's cute in like a very bookish way. Plus, he has a great jawline."

I try looking through Melanie's eyes and can't help but agree he does have good bone structure. But still, it's so weird to even try to think of Dan in that way. Afterall, he's my younger stepbrother's age.

I shrug, "I guess… It's just sort of weird for me." I contemplate whether this is a good idea or not to reveal I know Dan outside of this place but decide I might as well. "I actually, know him from back home."

Melanie's eyes widen in surprise, "Did you two come here together?"

"God no," I say in horror. "He's the best friend of my little brother." I correct myself, "Step-brother."

"Aw, how much younger?" Olivia cooes.

"Four years. They're both 22."

"That's not even that much of a difference." Lila begins, "My mom and my stepdad are like 12 years apart. He's only in his 30s and she's like so ancient." She says dramatically. I really don't want to know what she considers ancient, probably like mid-30s.

"I guess not." I decide to change the topic, feeling uncomfortable. "How about you guys? Who are in your cabins?"

Melanie's minions spend the next 15 minutes gossiping about everyone in their cabins. When it gets to Melanie's turn, she's much kinder when speaking of the others. It turns out Tricia, the yoga instructor, is in her cabin and they're going to do the morning yoga class tomorrow. "Want to come?"

I find myself nodding. Making friends is good, I tell myself, even if they are a bit younger than me. Plus, what better way to make myself more fun than to hang out with carefree college kids? Okay, that sounds tragic, actually. But the point is, there's no harm and it's better than accidentally winding up in some activity Dan is doing. Besides, I'm a natural born leader. These girls, including Melanie, will end up being _my_ minions in no time.

We all head back to our cabins to get clothes to change for the hike. I reach for an all black ensemble of leggings, a fitted racerback tank top, and black training shoes. It's actually quite chic, I think to myself, as I survey my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I couldn't help but secure my ponytail with a pastel pink ribbon in my hair, just to set myself apart from the ordinary hikers.

Once I exit, I find Dan waiting for me outside. I furrow my brow at him waiting for him to explain his presence but he doesn't so I keep walking. Of course, he trails close behind, eventually stepping in stride beside me.

"So is Blair Waldorf prepared for her first real experience in the wildness?" He asks me as we head towards the group.

I shoot him a look, "Is this some sort of interview? You sound like a documentary director." I roll my eyes. "Of course I'm prepared, I'm always prepared. You're the one that should be worried. Have you ever set foot outside of a library?" I eye his pale skin.

"I go camping every year with my dad and sister." He replies confidently.

"You have a sister?" I say, taken aback.

Dan nods, frowning a little. "I thought you knew that. Jenny, she's my younger sister."

"Is she just as annoying of a younger sibling as Aaron is?"

"She can be." Then he smiles. "But she can also be pretty great, like Aaron."

"Ugh," I say. "You're relentless with defending him. You're basically his personal mascot." I spot Melanie and the others who are waving me over and make my way towards them. "Enjoy your hike."

"Already in with the cool crowd… Should have known." Dan shakes his head. "Try not to get injured."

One hour later, I'm thinking of suing Rooted Retreat for false advertisement. This is _not_ an introductory hike. It's more like a trek through endless inclines and obstacles. I am trailing behind the others by quite a few paces, much to my dismay, and seriously struggling as I pant up the wooded hill. Luckily, Olivia and Lila are rather slow too since they are wasting their breath on gossiping so I'm not completely alone. But Melanie, ever so perfect, was sweat free and looked as though this was just a leisurely walk when I last saw her.

Just then, I nearly trip over a fallen log. This seriously is a fucking obstacle course. There's poison ivy, stinging nettles, sharp branches, and probably bears on the loose. _Some introductory hike..._

As we walk through another extremely narrow trail, I feel a sharp pain in my upper arm. _Fuck_ , I think, spotting blood. A protruding branch scraped me and now there's a gush of blood trickling down my arm, rapidly. I gingerly rub at it which only stings more.

"Oh my god!" Lila exclaims, spotting my injury. "What happened to you?"

"Ouch! That looks so painful!" Olivia joins in. "Melanie knows first aid but she's up ahead. Should we try to run up to catch her?"

"No, I'm fine." I say with more fervor than I feel. It really does sting. I take a deep breath to steel myself, the new Blair Waldorf doesn't whine at the first sign of pain. I'll just suck it up. "I'll just clean it up when we get back."

As we finally descend the hill, I feel relieved to be off the incline. At least we're getting nearer to the cabins. I might not know this area at all but I think I could make out the solar panels from the top of the hill. I take another deep breath, trying not to look at my bloody arm which looks straight out of a horror movie.

We round a corner where we're led to flat open ground. So open in fact that my gaze immediately falls upon Dan, standing in the middle of the trail with an expression of concern, or maybe even panic, on his face. His gaze is steadily fixed on my bleeding arm.

"What happened to you?" He says, rushing over to me. "Are you okay?" He grabs my lower arm to steady me as he looks at my wound.

"I'm fine." I snatch back my arm. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be up ahead with everyone else?"

"Blair, you can't just go around with an open wound. That can get infected, especially out here." He gestures to the woods as though to prove his point. "We need to get you the first aid kit. I saw Melanie with it."

"That's what I said!" Lila practically squeals as she overhears him. "Melanie knows first aid so of course, she'd have the kit."

"Can you go get it from Melanie for us? I know first aid too so if you get the kit, I can take it from there." Dan instructs her and she and Olivia dutifully nod and start jogging to catch up.

"Thanks, Doctor Dan," I say sarcastically with an eye roll. "I'm so grateful you're around with your profound medical skills to save me from getting what, gangrene? Jaundice?"

"You don't want to joke about infections, Blair. Plus, this cut looks really deep."

"How would you know?" I challenge. "Oh wait, did you also obtain a medical degree at Brown while simultaneously competing on the Scrabble team _and_ obtaining your Bachelor's in English Literature?"

His face creases, "You know I have my degree in English Lit?"

"Obviously," I shake my head. "Everyone knows that within one minute of meeting you. Usually, if you don't mention the latest classic you're writing an analytical piece on, then you're correcting everyone's grammar, which is the real tip-off."

Dan winces. "I don't do that."

"You do." I rebut.

Lila and Olivia come running back towards us, panting, and interrupting our debate. Lila holds out the first aid kit as though it's the Holy Grail.

"Thanks, guys," Dan gives them an appreciative look. "That was quick."

Lila shrugs, "Will she be okay?"

"I'm right here!" I gesture. "Still fully conscious and alive."

Dan begins pouring a burning liquid over my arm causing me to flinch. "Fuck that hurts! What are you doing?"

"Disinfecting it. Hold still." He gently pushes me to sit on a large rock, still holding my arm in his hands. "I can't believe you already got injured. We've been here for less than a day." He shakes his head as though I'm a total bumbling idiot. "I knew you going on this retreat was a bad idea."

"Oh did you? Because you just know everything about me? You think I could never do anything outside of shopping, don't you?" I glare.

"No," He says quickly. "That's not what I mean. I just mean that you have to be careful. You're always trying to be all brave and you end up hurting yourself." He pulls out a large roll of bandages. "This honestly could use stitches but this will have to do for now.

I squirm as he begins wrapping my cut in a bandage. I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable with him speaking as though he knows me on a deep and profound level. And I'm even more uncomfortable with him touching me. Even if it is just to tend to my wound.

He secures the bandage with a butterfly-shaped strip of tape and rubs a hand, gently over his handiwork. "Does that feel okay?"

I nod, despite myself. "Thank you," I say grudgingly and can't help adding, " _Doctor_ Dan."

"Come on, let's catch up to everyone else." He offers his hand to help me up and I take it as I get to my feet. I drop his hand immediately and brush off my leggings.

Once we're well on our way and within hearing distance of a few other retreaters, I let out a breath. I can hear Lila and Olivia still chattering up a storm. Now, it sounds like they've moved on from the season finale of Game of Thrones and are onto judging Taylor Swift's latest boyfriend.

"How have they not run out of topics yet?" Dan asks and I know exactly who he's talking about.

"Oh, it never stops. I honestly wonder if that's their major in school." I pause, "It probably is, it's just masked as Communications or something."

Dan laughs, 'They probably saw Communications on the list of degrees offered and were ecstatic. Just wait until they find out with that degree they'll have to control the flow of information, not spread it. That's if they go the PR route of course."

I can't help but join in on his laughter. "They'll probably just leak everything they learn to TMZ. I could totally see them moving to LA and making their way into the inner circles. Maybe they'll even end up with their reality show."

"That's probably why they're here. Maybe they think they're on an audition for Survivor."

I shake my head, "Survivor wouldn't be glamorous enough for them. More like, a revival of The Simple Life except instead of starring Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie it'll star them and their fellow sorority sisters."

"Don't give them ideas." Dan says in a mock warn.

Lila looks back, sharply. "Did you just say Paris Hilton? Because O.M.G. she is totally making a comeback. Have you seen her Instagram? She's killing it with-" Lila begins an endless monologue which sends me into a fit of giggles. I glance over at Dan and see he can hardly keep a straight face either.

"Look what you've done," He whispers with a twinkle in his eye. Meeting his eye, I can't help but smile back.

Once we're back, Lark orders me to see the medic straight away. At first, I'm reluctant, not wanting to be seen as the weak one but once I see the medical office, I'm relieved. It's air conditioned in here and totally polished. It looks more like a private practice than a mini doctor's out in the woods.

Nathan, the on-site nurse with EMT training, surveys my bandaged arm. He carefully unwraps it and looks at it for quite a few moments before speaking. "Whoever bandaged this did an excellent job. It could have stayed on but since you're here, I'd like to give you a few stitches. It'll help it heal."

"Is it really necessary?" I ask, eyeing the needle warily.

"It'll prevent scarring and they'll dissolve anyways so you won't even have to get them removed." He's already preparing the equipment so I guess I don't really have a choice.

15 minutes later, I'm stiched up, re-bandaged, and on my way out, reluctantly, to the medical office. I find Dan sitting outside on a bench and I eye him curiously. "You didn't wait for me did you?"

He runs a hand through his hair and says a little sheepishly, "I just wanted to make sure, that it was fine you know? Never know what type of doctors they'll have in a place like this."

"It was top notch, better than the luxury suites at Cedars Sinai, I assure you." I say sardonically. We start walking back to our cabin, "I got stitches. They did say that you did a pretty decent job of bandaging it though."

"Decent, huh?" He looks pleased.

At his humble response, I decide to fess up. "Fine, the nurse actually said, and I quote, you did an excellent job and he would just leave it as is had stitches not been a better way to prevent scarring."

"You don't want a battle wound?"

"From scraping my arm on a branch? No, thank you. That's far too embarrassing." I say as I follow Dan into the cabin and begin kicking off my shoes.

"You could embellish a little. Maybe there was a tree with rotted root that fell just as you crossed its path. You narrowly dodged it, falling on a branch, injuring yourself but falling just short of the tree."

I laugh, "Okay had I known you would back up such a ridiculous story as fact then maybe I would have. I thought you would have already retrieved your phone from the vault to regale my embarrassing injury to Aaron."

Dan shakes his head, adamantly and looks at me seriously. "Of course not."

I shift under his intense gaze, "Oh. Thanks, I guess." I sit down on the bed. "So where'd everyone go?" I glance around the empty cabin.

"Some went to take showers, some went to play pool and other games in the rec hall. Dinner is in an hour." Dan shrugs. "We're pretty much on free time now."

"Hm, maybe I'll do my meditation now." I say ponderously.

"You meditate?" Dan's tone is incredulous.

"Of course, don't you?" I give a sarcastic laugh. "Could you really imagine me meditating?"

"No but I could hardly see you going on a two-week wilderness retreat yet here you are."

"Touche." I stand and reach for my towel that's hanging on the coat rack by our bunk. "I'm going to go shower before dinner. See you."

"See you," Dan echoes as I open the cabin door.

Before he goes, I can't help but add. "Thanks again. For helping me, doctor Dan." This time, I leave all trace of sarcasm out of my voice and try for sincerity.

"Of course." Dan nods, stoically before I head out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

When Melanie said hot yoga she wasn't kidding about the heat. Apparently, this retreat is all about intensity because this is the hottest hot yoga class I have ever been to. The room is sweltering and we are all currently going through a vinyasa flow. As I lift my upper body into cobra pose, I glance up at the clock. Thankfully, only 10 minutes are left. It has to be winding down soon, or at the very least cooling down.

What's surprised me most about this yoga class, isn't the heat though. It's that Lila and Olivia have managed to stay quiet the whole time. I thought for sure, the instructor would have to ring the gong to silence them. But they actually seem to take their yoga quite seriously.

Luckily, my wound won't prevent me from partaking in any activities. Or maybe that's unlucky, I haven't decided yet. I figure over breakfast I'll find out what everyone else is doing. I am quite interested in archery as I could use some target practice. I have plenty of tension to release that I think might enhance my aim. I can visualize it now, Blair Waldorf, unexpectedly the Katniss Everdeen of Rooted Retreat. As I go into warrior pose, I am feeling quite reinvigorated now. Of course, now that I've gotten my inspiration back, the instructor finally announces we are headed into the cooldown. As the cool breeze wafts into the stuffy room, I exhale my tension.

Afterward, we convene with everyone else in the dining hall. As I'm waiting in line for my fresh green smoothie from the juice bar, I hear Dan's voice behind me.

"No morning hike for you?" He gestured at the yoga mat that I'm still clutching.

"No, thank you. One hike tonight is plenty for me. Did you go?"

Dan nods. Then he eyes my bare arm, exposed by my sleeveless tank. "Probably for the best, wouldn't want you to cut that back open. How are you feeling today?"

"Fine," I say curtly. I glance down at it. Then I soften, seeing the concern in his eyes and no trace of sarcasm as I'd originally assumed. "Thanks for asking."

"So what are you up to today?" Dan asks, conversationally.

"Seeing the shaman." I nod, solemnly.

"You're seeing a shaman?" Dan's eyebrows raise at my words and he couldn't sound more incredulous.

"Of course, aren't you?" I try to stop the smile from spreading across my face. Too late.

"You're lying," Dan says spotting the twitch at the corner of my lips.

"Maybe I should though." I shrug. "They could heal my cut. But then, I wouldn't have an excuse to get out of the solo hikes."

Dan's brow creases, "You don't want to do it?"

I cock my head to one side, "Can you really see me trekking out to the top of a mountain, setting up a tent, sleeping on the ground amongst the wild? You couldn't even believe I could make it in a cabin."

"You won't be sleeping on the top of the mountain. You'll sleep on even ground at an easy elevation."

"Okay, Captain REI. Or should I call you Doctor REI? It doesn't matter. Not doing it." I say resolutely.

Dan seems to almost dispute this but then think better of it. "But you'll go on the night hike?" He prompts me.

"Of course, it's mandatory isn't it?" My eyes flicker with hope. "Or can I get out of it?"

"It's mandatory," Dan confirms my fears.

"Then, I'll see you tonight I guess." I hold up my smoothie in farewell and walk away.

That day I do the painting class with Devries. I'm much delighted to find that wine is provided during the class to help us "let go of our inhibitions and find our inner artist." I find though that even wine can't help me to unleash my inner Monet. In the end, the painting I create is a blur of pastel blobs that's supposed to resemble a field of flowers but instead looks like a crime scene. So perhaps art class won't be my favorite activity on this retreat…

At dinner that evening, I join my cabin mates at a table. We all walked over to the dining hall together and when they all started sitting together, I was sort of roped in. Next to Dan, of course. But I decide it's not so bad. I could use a break from Lila and Olivia's incessant chatter, anyways. I glance over at Dan as I take my seat next to him and think about our conversation earlier. As I'm broaching what I'll say to him, some frat-y looking guy comes up to him.

"Humphrey!" Frat guy claps Dan on the back as they pass him. "Sick rhymes bro."

I furrow my brows in puzzlement as the guy who I've never seen before walks away. To my astonishment, another stranger comes by and enthuses some inside joke before saying, "See ya, Humphrey."

I narrow my eyes at him. "You got popular quickly. What did that guy mean by 'sick rhymes'?" I can't help but wrinkle my nose.

"Oh," Dan shrugs. "Just this creative writing class today. I wrote a poem and some of the guys wrote raps, since that's a form of expression according to the instructor, and helped them out a bit."

"You rapped?" I say incredulously, pausing mid-fork lift. I keep it hovering there, gripped tightly as I await his response.

Dan laughs, "Not exactly. I just wrote some lines for them. Why the interest?"

I shake my head. "It's just weird to imagine you rapping. It doesn't exactly suit you and your persona."

"What persona would that be?"

"Hipster, indie, wounded…"

"Wounded?" Dan says with a wry smile.

"Yeah, you know, like you always seem to be…" I pause, trying to think of the right word or expression. I try again, "It just always seems like you're a bit tortured."

Dan looks away and when he turns back, it seems like he's about to say something but then thinks better of it.

At his continued silence, I shrug, "I mean, that's basically a requirement though to be a 'serious writer', right?"

"I haven't seen that in any job descriptions yet but perhaps you're onto something. I'll try adding that to my list of skills in my resume."

A thought strikes me, "Why do they all keep calling you Humphrey? Is that like Humphrey Bogart or something? Are you a Bogie fan?" I can't decide if this will make me dislike him more or less. On one hand, Casablanca is a classic and that would win some points. On the otherhand, Humphrey Bogart was notorious for being rude and disrespectful to my personal idol, Audrey Hepburn.

He breaks my thoughts with a disbelieving expression, "Seriously?" When I don't reply and look at him in bafflement he says, "That's my last name. Dan Humphrey."

It clicks and the memory of him being called, Dan H., on the first-day registers. I feel a little dim now. But how was I supposed to know? It's not like it ever came up.

"Oh," I can't manage to say more. Instead, I take a sip of my fresh pressed lemonade, playing for time.

Dan shakes his head, picks up his fork, and begins eating his dinner. I take the hint and start to eat my dinner too. After that conversation between us ceases. I talk to Sophie who I have yet to get to know while Dan and Kipton talk about their class. I wonder if Kipton wrote a rap too… I struggle to stay focused on Sophie talking about her job as a marketing intern, feeling irked by my conversation with Dan for the remainder of the night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story finally picks up here :) Thanks for sticking with it! Hope you like this chapter!

The irked feeling from dinner remains as Dan makes himself so scarce during the night hike, I can't help but think it's intentional. I wouldn't have even known he was there had it not been for the occasional sound of someone calling him Humphrey, a nickname that was clearly sticking. I wanted to apologize but I wasn't sure what for. It was an odd sensation. It's not like he was _my_ best friend, he was Aaron's best friend. I didn't owe him anything. Except for the fact that he had been so helpful when I got cut and he had driven me here.

I decide to make up for yesterday, I'll be extra nice to him today. Okay, I'll be _nice_ to him. Being extra nice would imply I am usually nice to him which I suppose I'm not. I won't shoot one annoyed glance his way, even if he does something infuriating as he usually manages to do. Like questioning my safety or judgment.

At breakfast, I get his espresso doppio before he even comes to the dining hall. At least that's one thing I know about him. He loves his espresso and luckily even these granolas recognize the importance of caffeine. As he enters the dining hall, I hold up both of our espressos and signal for him to sit by me. He gives me a quizzical look but sits beside me. I extend the espresso and press on my warmest, most charming smile.

He's still eyeing me curiously but mutters a thank you. Then he announces he is going to go grab a bagel. When he returns, he seems a little less unnerved. I seize the opportunity.

"So what are you doing today?" I ask him as I break my croissant in half.

Dan takes a sip and then shrugs, "Not sure yet. You?"

"Archery." I nod, determinedly.

"Archery?" Dan's eyebrows raise and I try not to feel annoyed at his disbelief.

"Archery," I repeat, smile still on my face with zero trace of defensiveness. Then, I say lightly "You should join. Should be fun. Lila and Olivia are doing it too and I'm pretty convinced one of them will be so caught up in fulfilling their Hunger Games reenactment that they'll both end up in the medic's hall." I flash him a mischievous grin.

Dan gives me his first real smile for nearly 24 hours and I know I've won him back around. I don't know why I feel a little gleeful but I suppose it's just knowing that I can truly charm anyone, no matter how much I've offended them. "It does sound like it would be good to have someone with knowledge of first aid on hand."

"Especially considering that Kipton is doing it too and they both are fiercely competing for him."

"Really?" Dan seems surprised. "He seems a bit, I don't know, bland."

I gesture across the hall where both Lila and Olivia are giggling audibly even from here at something Kipton said.

Dan laughs, "That does seem a recipe for disaster. Who would he be? Their Peeta or Gale?"

"Gale, definitely." I can't help but let my gaze linger on his tanned biceps.

Dan doesn't seem to notice and instead says, "I'm in. But only if we stay a safe distance away. You wouldn't want a stray arrow to graze that." He gestures to my wound which is sporting a pale pink bandage today. I went back to the medic to have it changed and asked to pick the color.

"As long as they're still within eye and earshot, sounds good to me."

I'm relieved to find out that for the most part, we are free to where whatever we want to archery. So I wear a lace-trimmed tee and striped cotton shorts by Rebecca Taylor. I keep my shoes functional though and don Rag & Bone lace-up sneakers. I meet Dan along with everyone else out on the open field. There's about 10 of us, including Lila, Olivia, and Kipton much to my delight.

We find out we will all be rotating turns, five at a time. This is perfect since it means we don't have to risk getting shot by an arrow by Lila or Olivia but instead can watch them on the sidelines. I tell the instructor that Dan and I will go in the second round. We take a front row seat a safe distance behind. Lila is pretending to not be able to line up the arrow and completely ignoring the instructor's attempt at helping. It's clear why. Within a few minutes, Kipton comes right next to her and tries to tell her how to align it.

"Can you just show me? It's still not making sense," Lila says, flicking her red hair behind her shoulders. She uses a baby voice that's not cute for her age but Kipton doesn't seem to mind. He sidles up behind her and grabs her arms, aligning them the way the instructor says to. After she's all set up, she beams a broad smile at him and winks at Olivia who's gone rather puce.

Olivia gets her moment though when she sinks the target right into the bullseye. The instructor lets out an excited cheer and Olivia feigns humbleness by shrugging. "I always meet my mark." She says in a confident tone. It sounds more like a threat though. Kipton gives her a high five while Lila watches on.

Dan whispers to me, "To think just yesterday they were glued to the hip. Seems like by the end of the day, they'll be at each other's throats."

"All's fair in love and war. At least according to Kappa Kappa Gamma." I tell him with a smile.

When it's our turn, I pretend to not be intimidated by the imposing frame of the bow and the sharp edge of the arrow. When Dan asks me if I need help, I take on Lila's sugary voice and say, "Only if you show me." I give him a rueful look and we both laugh.

I manage to do alright with it though once I get acquainted. I don't hit the bullseye but I do hit the target most of the time. Dan does about the same and I'm pleased that he doesn't outdo me. I just can't help my competitive streak, even when I'm trying to be on my best behavior.

In the end, Olivia receives a certificate for her archery skills and she poses for a Polaroid photo, proudly holding her certificate. Then, she asks for one with Kipton and pulls him into the photo before he can protest. She looks like she just won the lottery by the looks of her face.

"What do you want to bet she has that photo blown up and framed on the wall of the sorority?" I ask Dan.

"What do you want to bet Lila continues archery so she can get good enough to land an arrow straight through Olivia's face in the photo?" Dan counters.

A grin serves as my reply as we walk back to the cabins. After dinner, we all grab a yoga mat for the night hike. I'm glad they thought to provide us with some sort of shelter to lay on while we stargaze so we don't end up bruised and bug-bitten. Flashlights aren't allowed because the light from it will drown out the stars and that the stars should guide us, according to the astronomer at least.

Dan eyes my bare arms before we leave the cabin for the hike. "Don't you want to wear a jacket or long sleeves to cover your cut? It'll be dark, you could scrape it on a branch and break it back open."

"Why do you care so much if my cut gets infected anyways?" I know it's not nice, exactly, but I have got to ask. He's made far too many concerned comments for me not to.

"You're my best friend's sister-"

"Stepsister," I correct as I follow him out of the cabin.

Dan ignores my correction and continues. "I have to look out for you. I would expect Aaron to do the same for me if it was Jenny."

"Don't hold your breath. Hold Aaron accountable for your sister's welfare and she's likely to be dragged off by the bears. Or worse yet, harmed by Aaron's doing." I say sardonically as we all set off for the hike.

Dan shakes his head. "I would trust him. You have to give him a bit more credit than that."

"You're a good friend," I say and find I mean it.

Later, we lay under the stars, the last ones left. The others have all headed back now but since Leon, our stargazing leader said we could stay as long as we want, we haven't gotten up yet. I didn't follow the others since the sorority girls were engaged in intense gossip while the frat guys were jostling each other about and the granolas were all discussing tomorrow's yoga class. I suddenly needed peace and quiet that I found only the stars could offer. I don't know why Dan stayed back though, I realize.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask, suddenly very interested to know as we lay in silence. I study his unreadable expression.

"I was just thinking about parallel universes," Dan says it as though it's the most natural thing to be thinking about.

I laugh a little, "Like alternate realities? Why would you be thinking about that?"

"I just have always found it fascinating."

"The only parallel universe I would find fascinating is one where Aaron Rose didn't become my stepbrother." I tell him with a groan.

At the sight of Dan wincing, I retract. "I'm kidding. That sounds harsher than I meant it. But sometimes I just can't help but wonder what my life would be like had my parents stayed married."

"I could understand that. It's impossible not to wonder. But then, your mom wouldn't have married Cyrus. It's always seemed like they really love each other, from what I could tell at least."

I smile a little. "They do. I'm happy for her, of course, even if it's a little nauseating to watch them sometimes. But I don't know, it's just sort of hard not to blame the Roses for changing the course of my life."

"You changed the course of theirs too." Dan says, surprising me.

"What do you mean?" I glance over at him.

"I think you influence Aaron in a good way. He looks up to you, I don't think he'd admit it but he does." Dan's eyes remain fixed on the stars.

"No way. Besides if I'm supposed to be his role model, I'm not doing a very good job. He barely graduated."

"But he did, that's what matters." He gives me a sincere look that makes me feel suddenly self-conscious.

"How do you know that he looks up to me anyway?"

"The way he talks about you. Before I met you, I'd always hear about his infamous sister Blair."

"Oh god, I don't want to know what exactly he said." I laugh.

"It wasn't bad. Or at least not all bad. He'd complain about how you were going to force him to visit you at Yale to teach him the values of a good education. But then, after he went, he'd suddenly start studying more."

"Really?" I can't help but brighten at this thought. "So he never said anything bad?"

"I mean there were also stories of you taking toys away from him and putting him on time out at the age of 10 when he was 6. You were quite bossy, from what he says." Dan smirks. "Imagine that,"

"I bet you thought I was one of the evil stepsisters from Cinderella." I laugh.

"Maybe a little. But then I met you…" Dan trails off.

"And you saw I was much worse?" I give him a wry smile.

He shakes his head. "The opposite." He pauses for a moment, a wistful look on his face. I turn to face him as he continues, "I still remember meeting you so clearly. It was Thanksgiving break and Aaron and I had just come back from running an errand for your mom. Aaron called out to see if anyone was home and then you heard him, I guess. All of a sudden, we could hear you marching down the stairs. As soon as the sound of your heels hit the marble, Aaron said, 'Fuck, it sounds like she's on the warpath again.'" Dan pauses and laughs at the memory. "He was right, Before you were even in sight you had started yelling at him."

I cover my face with my hands in embarrassment, "I wasn't that bad to him, was I?"

Dan nodded, "You were like, 'Aaron- _fucking_ -Rose. You _little_ shit. I cannot believe..' Then proceeded to berate him for getting high in your room, I think. I can't remember…"

"I thought you said you still remembered it clearly." I say teasingly.

"I do, just not that part. Because then you rounded the corner of the steps and I saw you," He breaks off.

"And all your worst fears were confirmed? Evil stepsister indeed?" I joke but he doesn't return my smile.

Instead, he says something that completely takes me by surprise. "Not at all. I think that was the moment my teenage crush on you began."

I stare at him, dumbfounded. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, I mean, you probably knew right? I don't know that I hid it very well." He cleared his throat and shifted on his mat, uncomfortably. "I was always around whenever you were home to visit."

I shake my head. "No, I thought you and Aaron lived to annoy me. I figured that's why you were always around."

"No, it was always because of you." Dan says earnestly.

"Oh." I look away, feeling a bit uncomfortable myself now. "Not anymore though right?" I say, needing to clarify.

"No, of course not." Dan says, a little sternly.

"Probably for the best." I nod. "I remember when I was around that age, maybe closer to 15 than 17 but I had this crush on this guy Lincoln Nolan. He was on my juniors tennis league and it's safe to say I wasn't the only girl with a crush on him. So obviously he went for the tall, tan, blonde girl on our team, not me. But then I saw him again a few years later."

"Then, what?" Dan asks.

"So we go on this date, and I just thought to myself, my 15-year-old self would be so pleased that in the end she _could_ get a date with Lincoln. But the whole date, I just felt so… Bored, I guess is the best word for it. It didn't seem possible that after all that buildup this was it. Then, when it came to the end of the date and we kissed.." I shake my head in remembrance. "It was terrible. Like, literally the worst kiss ever. It just was so ironic that I spent a whole summer wishing for that very scenario but when it finally happened, even if it was, 5 years laters, it was so disappointing. Anyways that's my point. Expectations never meet reality, don't ever date anyone you've had a crush on."

Dan seems to think this over and then says, finally. "How do you know it just wasn't that he was a bad kisser?"

I shake my head, firmly. "No, it wasn't that. It was just like, there was no spark at all. I didn't feel a thing."

"Surely that doesn't mean all crushes lead to disappointment." He says, unconvinced.

"I'm telling you, it's the truth." I say resolutely.

"I just don't buy it." He shrugs. "I believe that's the case for you. But not for everyone." He quickly adds, "Not that I'm referring to us. I just mean, other people."

"I don't agree. I know other people who have had the same thing happen. It's like, you build up the person so much in their head, they can never be what you imagined."

"I guess, but that sounds more like infatuation than a crush. It depends on the crush and the feelings, there are innumerable factors." Dan says factually.

I consider this but then shake my head. "I'll prove it to you." I turn to him and say in sudden inspiration.

"How?" Dan's tone is wary.

"I'll kiss you. You said you used to have a crush on me, so it's perfect. You'll see exactly what I mean." I say in fierce determination.

Dan visibly recoils. "I don't think so."

"Why? Worried I'll prove you wrong?" I challenge.

"No, it's not that it's just…" Dan swallows. "I'm sure Aaron wouldn't approve nor appreciate it."

"Like Aaron would give a fuck." I laugh. "Would you care if Aaron kissed Jenny?"

Dan seems to contemplate this. "Yes."

"Why?" I say in surprise. Just a bit ago he was basically saying he would trust Aaron with Jenny's life.

"He's my best friend, but no way. Do you even know how many girls lips have come into contact with his."

"No, and I'd rather not." I say firmly. Then I can't help my curiosity, "More than you?"

"More than half of the New York population." Dan says with a laugh.

I want a more defined answer than that. "And you? How many girls have you kissed?" I narrow my eyes. I tease him, "None? Is that why you're so adamantly against my propo-"

He cuts me off, "No," He says sternly. "Obviously that's not it. It's not a lack of experience, in any departments, that's stopping me."

And now my mind is wandering towards those departments he just referred to and I wonder just how experienced he is. _What's happening?_ I wonder and I push the thoughts away. I glance over at him to retrain my focus on what he's saying.

"It's just that I like to know a girl first. I'm pretty sure there are girls that Aaron doesn't even know the names of that he's kissed. First or last. And not just kissed, probably slept with too."

"Well you know my first and last name and I know yours," I flush slightly remembering that I actually only learned his surname yesterday but continue on. "So our bases are covered there."

"It still seems like a bad idea." Dan tells me, shaking his head.

"You're hopeless," I let out a breath. "You're just afraid of being proven wrong." I think for a moment, "I'll just have to find another way to prove my theory."

"How do you plan on doing that?" Dan eyes me suspiciously.

"I'll just get someone here to develop a fleeting crush on me and then kiss them." I muse, aloud. "Maybe Kipton, or the yoga instructor? He was pretty cute and he did 'adjust me' quite a few times." I make air quotes. "Tell me, what exactly triggered the crush? That'll make choosing my subject easier." I am getting quite into this. Maybe I should wear a white coat and make this a serious study. I wonder if Kate Spade makes lab coats...

Dan lets out a frustrated breath, "That plan is ridiculous. So fine, I'll kiss you."

"Don't sound so unenthused." My eyes drop to his lips. 

"I'm not unenthused," Dan says unconvincingly.

"I'll try not to take offense at your complete dismay at having to kiss me." I roll my eyes. "I'll make it quick." I stand up and brush off my clothes, leaving my yoga mat on the grass. I gesture for him to rise.

"Now?" He asks, in surprise.

"Of course now. Get up, already. I'm losing my patience. I think you're just delaying inevitable victory." I tap my foot, waiting for him.

Dan gets up slowly and makes his way over to me. Once he's standing before me, I feel myself losing a bit of my nerve. Fuck, I didn't think this through. It sounded like such a good idea at the time, especially since I hate losing an argument. I've never been this close to Dan before though. Our faces are just inches apart and I notice the flecks of amber in his eyes. Being this close makes me even more trepidatious and uncertain. Do I kiss him? Does he kiss me? Who makes the first move?

Fuck it, I decide and I lean in, meeting my lips to his. As our lips entwine in a rush, all of my inner worries melt away. I had been nervous he might not kiss me back and he'd back out. But he's _really_ kissing me back.

Focusing on the feel of his lips against mine, I'm fully immersed in this moment and only able to focus on the rhythmic pattern of our lips meshing together. I feel his hand reach up and run through my hair and my arms wrap around him, unbidden. There's so much passion in this kiss, I'm surprised. I wouldn't have ever known Dan would be such a good kisser. I sink back into the kiss, relishing this moment. Just as our mouths begin to slowly open and I feel his tongue trace mine to deepen the kiss, a bellowing voice jolts me.

"Bear! Bear!" The voice yells again.

We jump back, as though electrified. I stare at Dan who stares back at me, neither of us speaking or moving. We are both paralyzed with fear, whether at the kiss we just shared or at the potential of there being a bear on the loose, I'm not sure. We stay like that until we hear a roar of laughter and some irritated voices.

"That was not funny!" A girl yells in a shrill voice.

"Everyone, everyone calm down!" Lark's normally perky voice comes over the megaphone and we can hear it even from here. Now though, her tone is scolding and severe. "False bear alarms will not be tolerated. We take such warnings seriously and would ask that all guests refrain from making such claims." Her tone changes again, back to its peppy-self. "Carry-on retreaters, let's have some fun!"

I let out a breath in relief and then look down, feeling awkward. This tension is too much for me to handle. Maybe an errant bear wouldn't have been so bad, I think briefly. I can't bring myself the question I am supposed to ask now. Instead, I'm on edge, waiting for him to break the silence.

Finally, he does, "We should probably head back."

I gather my nerve to meet his eye and feel a pang as I do. "You're right. It's late."

I grab my mat off the ground and head off towards our cabin, Dan's footsteps trailing behind me. We don't speak, the whole way back. Once back at the retreat grounds, we head our separate way towards the men's and women's bathrooms, respectively, to change and get ready for bed. Even as we climb into our beds, our cabin mates still not back yet, it's complete silence. As I lay below him, almost feeling the weight between us, I finally bring myself to speak.

"Was I right?" I ask through the darkness. It's easier to ask now that we can't see each other.

There's a long pause before his answer finally comes. His answer makes my heart sink, unexpectedly. "You were." His tone is even and filled with certainty.

I release the breath I didn't realize I was holding and flip over onto my side, wishing I had never ever kissed Dan. He may not have felt anything but I certainly did.


	6. Chapter 6

I wake up in the morning with my head and chest feeling heavy. I must have only gotten a few hours of sleep. I spent most of the night trying to propel myself into the past to undo the kiss. I would do just about anything to go back to before that moment. Because before that moment, there was no heaviness in my chest or any pangs of anxiety. I was clear and level-headed. The thing that's clouding my mind the most is the question of why.

Why did I do it? I don't know what I was thinking, kissing Dan. Except, I do, on some level. When he told me he had once had a crush on me I was overcome with a feeling I could only attribute to being desired. It had been so long since I felt wanted and it was flattering, to say the least. Then, there was the fact that I hadn't even kissed anyone since Carter which was now over a year ago. Furthermore, the only person I had been with in the past 4 years was Carter. So maybe it was a bit of temporary insanity that had caused me to kiss him. Being single for long enough would do that to anyone, right?

In fact, I bet that was why I had thought I had felt something. It was merely the remembrance of what it's like to kiss someone you find attractive. Which in the dim, milky moonlight, everyone is attractive so it's not like I'm attracted to Dan, per se.

I know he still hasn't gotten up yet since obviously, I would have heard. It's still early and nearly everyone in our cabin is still asleep. I seize this as an opportunity to get up and form a game plan. Yoga seems like the perfect respite so I grab my yoga clothes, mat, and a water and head to the bathrooms to change.

When I enter the room, which thankfully isn't heated today, I spot Melanie and Devries and take my place next to them. During the class, I focus all my energy on dispelling any lingering feelings from the kiss. Instead, anytime I think about kissing again, which keeps popping into my head an alarming amount now, I look towards the instructor. He's pretty cute with his sandy blonde hair and deep blue eyes, even if he's not exactly my type.

After class, the girls ask me which class I'll be doing today and I almost reply with, "Any class Dan isn't." But I refrain because then I'd have to tell them the whole story which is far too embarrassing. I mentally scan through the list of activities and think about which would be least likely to be chosen by Dan. I decide on jewelry making which both girls say they'll do with me.

The plan I've come up with is this, I will act perfectly normal around Dan because that's obviously what I would do if the kiss had unaffected me. I'll drop the whole niceness act of yesterday and just go back to the way things were before. Barely acknowledging him, calling him out when he's irritating me, and not thinking twice about his presence. Of course, that's much easier said than done. So I need the day to work up to it hence the Dan-free activity choice.

I steel myself to face him at breakfast though. I know the chances of avoiding him there are slim. So after I've changed into my sundress and walked into the breakfast hall, I fill my lungs with not only oxygen but feigned confidence.

There he is, at the pastry bar where of course I need to go in order to get the croissant I was craving. I remind myself avoiding him will accomplish nothing so I walk right up beside him.

"Hey," I say breezily. Once he turns to me, I force myself to meet his eye. As I do, the memory of his lips on mine flashes through my mind. My eyes almost drop down to his lips but instead, I train them on a more neutral spot, like his left eyebrow.

"Hey," He echoes. "How was yoga?" He asks after a pause.

I furrow my brow, how did he know where I went? He seems to read my mind and then adds, "I noticed your mat was gone from the cabin."

"It was good." I say blandly. I take a croissant and set it on my plate. Before this painful conversation can go on any longer, I start for the table where Melanie and everyone else sat, "See you."

For the next few days, I continue avoiding Dan. But I hate that throughout each day, I wonder if I'll see Dan again. It's like, as much as I dread seeing him, I feel an equal yearn to see him. I try to focus on other things, like when at lunch, Jay, our yoga instructor, says hi to me and asks how my day is. Something that Devries points out he doesn't take the time for with other retreaters. In fact, most of the girls said they heard he makes it a rule not to socialize with us. I should be thinking about Jay's blue eyes on mine but instead, I find myself replaying my kiss with Dan.

My wish to see him again comes true later that evening during the night hike. As we all set off for the hike, I find Dan next to me. I'm glad it's dark so he can't see how my cheeks flush at the sight of him, worrying that he'll know I felt a spark. I'm actually surprised he's making an effort to be chatty, if it were me and I had experienced an excruciating kiss, as it apparently was for him, I would pointedly avoid the person. But not, Dan. No, he has to rub in the awkwardness by strolling alongside me and asking if I made him something in jewelry class yet.

"Why? Is that saying diamonds are a girl's best friend wrong and it should be a man's best friend?" I say, teasingly.

Dan laughs, "I just thought maybe you would make me some meditation beads to help me with my practice. With the number of times you've taken that class, I'd think you'd run out of jewelry to make for yourself.

"Meditation beads? Are those a thing?" I say incredulously.

"I don't know, you're the yogi. Haven't you gone to yoga like every day this week?" He asks me.

I almost ask him if he's keeping track of my whereabouts but think better of it. Instead, I shrug. "It's better than a morning hike, run, or obstacle course."

"How would you know? You haven't tried them?" Dan asks, sincerely.

"I don't need to," I say confidently. "I already know they won't be my cup of tea. Especially considering how strongly you're endorsing them."

"Ouch," He says sarcastically.

"Hey guys," Melanie says, dropping her pace to walk alongside us. "What are we talking about?"

It's such a Melanie thing to say that of course, she can get away with. Because the second she's near everyone wants to include her in their conversation.

"Blair was just refusing to try any of the other morning activities such as hiking or the obstacle course." Dan fills her in and I shoot him a glare.

"Obstacle course!" Melanie exclaims, "I actually had been wanting to do that but none of the other girls would do it with me. Lila said it would wreck her acrylics." Melanie rolls her eyes.

"You should do it," Dan tells her, an easy tone which makes me prickle all over. "I'll be there."

"I will then," She shoots him that winning smile with her perfectly white, aligned teeth. "Blair, want to join us?"

"I think I'm good, thanks though," I say biting back a sarcastic remark.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then, Dan." She says flirtily. Okay well maybe her words weren't exactly flirty but it's the way she said them.

I scan Dan's face as she saunters off but it's impassive. I half expect him to excuse himself to go hike with Melanie instead since she's clearly more outdoorsy than I am but he doesn't. He keeps pace with me and stays with me even as we lay under the stars. It's a bit torturous, it's like making me relive last night all over again.

"Blair," Dan says in a low voice only I can hear. My breath hitches and I wait on tenterhooks for his next words. "I was thinking about the other night and kiss-"

I cut him off, a feeling of dread rising. The last thing I need is a second rejection, I got it loud and clear the first time. "Let's not talk about it," I turn my head to face his, "I'd prefer if we pretend it didn't happen."

Dan looks taken aback for a moment but then nods. "If that's what you think is best."

"I do," I nod, reassuring myself. "I think it would be better for our… friendship." I stumble over the word.

I see a brief expression of surprise cross Dan's face before he says, "Okay, then it never happened."

His words should be like a backspace, wiping away the events that shifted everything between us. But as I watch his steady face all I can think about are his hands brushing my cheek as he kissed me. I swivel my head away to stop that train of thought and focus on the stars again.

"Can I ask you something, as your friend?" Dan asks me a few minutes later. He seems to stumble over the word friend, as though he can't believe that such a word would apply to us. I can relate, I think to myself.

"I guess," I said apprehensively.

"Why did you and Carter break up? I mean really break up? I know what Aaron said but it sounded a bit flimsy." He looks a little taken aback by his own question.

I steel myself. For a moment I think about refusing to answer. But then I look over and see his sincere expression, his eyes so wide with… concern? Curiosity? Whatever it is it makes me say this, "I couldn't make him happy. Not truly happy, or just not happy enough to sustain a marriage."

Dan's brow furrows. "What do you mean?" He shakes his head. "That just doesn't make sense. It doesn't seem true."

I laugh, a hollow sound. "Just ask Carter, I'm sure he'd say as much." I take a breath before continuing, with the whole story. "The engagement just sort of highlighted all of our flaws as a couple. I don't know why he even proposed, I think he wanted to be the type of guy who would marry his college sweetheart. But I bored him. He wanted a break so he could have some time to be youthful and travel with no commitments. I told him that wasn't an option, I mean, who takes a break from an engagement? I wasn't really happy either anyways, I felt like I always had to be something I wasn't with him."

I see a harsh flicker pass through Dan's eyes. "He's a fucking idiot. I always thought that. I hated the way he would act, he just always gave me a bad feeling."

I smile, "That's sweet of you to say. You're very loyal, like Aaron." I really mean it too. It's something I always knew about Dan but never really noticed. He just strikes me as the type of person who would be there for you. _Even after a bad kiss_ , I think to myself.

"Is that why you came here?" Dan asks me after a few minutes of silence go by. "To prove you could be adventurous?"

I squirm under his inquisitive eyes and intimate question. It's like he can see through me which makes me even more nervous. Because if he can read me so easily then does he know how I really felt about that kiss? I clear my throat and look away momentarily. "Maybe," I say noncommittally.

"You shouldn't have to prove yourself to anyone." Dan says steadily, eyes fixed on me.

I don't know how to respond so I just mutter a soft thanks and then get up. I make an excuse about being tired and wanting to head back with the others. Dan gets up too and just like that, the personal conversation is over and the fleeting moment of intimacy we shared again, is gone.


	7. Chapter 7

On Monday morning, I'm sitting at breakfast with Dan and Melanie on either side of me. Ever since their obstacle course the other day, they've been annoying chummy. As I pierce a blueberry with my fork, Dan reminds me of what I've dreaded most this trip.

"Less than a week until the solo hikes." He says, triggering a swell of anxiety in my chest.

"I know! I can't wait!" Melanie puts down her green smoothie to join in the conversation. "I wonder if we'll get to choose who we hike with."

"I think we do," Dan answers. He turns to me, "Blair, will you be ready?"

"Remember? I'm not doing it. It's too risky for my arm." I gesture towards my wrapped arm.

Dan frowns and leans in to inspect it. "Is that still bothering you? It should be healing up. Maybe I should take a look."

"I'm good!" I say quickly, snatching my arm away. I don't want him to see that he's right and it is nearly healed. It's my ticket to avoiding the solo hikes and I won't let that injury not amount to some sort of benefit.

"I know first aid, Blair. I could look too," Melanie offers, sweetly.

"No thanks, I'm really fine." Why did I bring it up? I should have just waited until the day of. Note to self, do not draw attention to exaggerated injury.

"So I was thinking we should all go canoeing today at the lake. Wouldn't that be so fun?" Melanie suggests.

"I'm in." Dan says and Melanie looks delighted. She looks to me, awaiting my answer.

"Okay," I find myself saying, despite my reservations. If I'm being honest, I don't like the idea of the two of them being cozy in a canoe together.

One hour later I am greatly regretting my choice to go canoeing. They're forcing us to wear life jackets which hardly make a fashion statement. I luckily got one of the few blue ones rather than the heinous orange which makes it slightly less bad. But still, nothing cute about a constricting and puffy vest that restricts arm movement so much I feel like a t-rex. I glance over at Melanie, yep, sure enough, she looks super cute in hers. Her tan skin pokes out from under the jacket and her blonde hair brushes the shoulders of it. I survey myself, at least the blue compliments my white scalloped swimsuit. Sort of… I wrinkle my nose.

Dan walks over to me, "Blair, you have to clip the life jacket." Without my permission, he reaches and starts buckling me into it.

I push him away, "What do you think you're doing? I'm not a child, I can buckle my own jacket."

"And when were you going to do that? You were hoping no one would notice and you could just climb into the canoe and ditch the jacket." Dan says, reaching again to buckle me in. This time I don't protest. It's true, that's exactly what I was planning on doing. "You're in my canoe by the way."

"Maybe we should see if they're hiring, Dan. You're rivaling Lark with all your rule enforcing." I say in an undertone.

"Just trying to make sure you don't drown, _sorry_." Dan says sarcastically. He hands me a wood paddle which I take, reluctantly.

"I hope you know you'll be doing most of the paddling." I tell him as he heads off to prepare the canoe.

A moment later, Melanie strides up to him, not seeing me. "Hey Dan, want to share a canoe?"

Dan looks caught off guard and I watch, in anticipation. If he fucking ditches me to go with Melanie…

"Actually, I already planned on going with Blair. Sorry," He says sheepishly.

"Oh, no worries." Melanie glances around and then spots me sitting on a rock. "Blair, sorry, I didn't see you. You look so cute! I love that bathing suit."

"Thanks, Melanie." I feign a smile. I wish she would go away, I don't like the way she's looking at Dan.

"Okay, well I'm off to find myself a canoe-mate! Have fun, guys!" She calls cheerily, striding off.

I walk over to Dan at the canoe and he asks if I'm ready. I nod and he holds out a hand to help me into the canoe which I reluctantly take.

"Where are your water shoes?" Dan asks, surveying my espadrille-clad feet as I climb in.

I laugh, "Seriously? You think I went to REI and got water shoes for this trip, _no way_." I stick out a foot. "These are my water shoes. They're espadrilles made from neoprene so they're water resistant." I glance down admiringly at the cute striped pattern which is trimmed with raffia.

Dan rolls his eyes, "I don't even want to know how much those cost."

"Only 89 dollars." I say proudly, ignoring his rhetorical statement.

Dan shakes his head, climbing into the canoe and sitting behind me.

"Won't I get splashed up here?" I ask him. I think I'd be less likely to get wet if I sat in the back." I start to get up, trying to trade him spots.

"No, Blair. This isn't the log ride at Disneyland-"

"What's that? I've never been to Disneyland." I cut in.

"Really?" Dan says in surprise. He seems to start to tell me but then thinks better of it. "The point is, that you want to be upfront. The person in the back has to steer and do most of the work."

"No thanks then. I'll stay up here." I say breezily.

"That's what I thought." Dan says with a chuckle and then pushed our canoe off into the lake.

I'm still holding my paddle, awkwardly. I'm really not sure quite how to do this and reluctantly have to ask Dan. "So, what do I do with this?" I hold up the paddle.

Dan instructs me to paddle the opposite way to go straight and then to paddle the same side if we want to turn. It seems easy enough and within a few minutes, I feel like I've gotten the hang of it. Actually, we're doing better than most of the others. I see Lila and Olivia zigzagging, clearly each rowing in a way that counteracts one another. I see Lila motion towards Kipton to row towards them and help them. Of course, I'm shocked the two of them didn't fight to get into his canoe. I wouldn't be surprised if they purposely capsized to have him come save them.

"Blair," Dan is saying frustratedly, making me turn my attention back to him. "Paddle left!"

"Why? You said to alternate which direction I paddle. I just paddled left, so why should I paddle left again?" I ask, in confusion.

"Because if you don't paddle left then we're going to hit that rock." He points to the rock right in front of us, the canoe's nose about to strike it.

"Fuck!" I startle. I start quickly trying to paddle us away from the rock. Except, it's too late. The front of the canoe has already hit and now the whole left side is resting against it. I feel us slowly tipping right and I have a sudden vision of me falling into the water. "Oh my god, we're going to capsize!"

"We aren't going to capsize." Dan scoffs. "We just have to push off the rock to get unpinned."

"I'm freaking out. I don't want to go in the water, it's all murky." I wrinkle my nose at the mossy looking lake.

"Well, maybe if you would have been paying attention and paddling we wouldn't have gotten stuck." Dan says in an undertone, making me flinch.

"Woah, looks like we've got a conundrum over there!" I hear Jack, the water sports instructor bellow at us from across the lake. He starts paddling towards us but it'll take him a while from the looks of it.

Water has begun to trickle in through the right side of the canoe I realize as I feel a dampness at my feet. "Dan, my shoes are getting wet!"

"That's what water shoes are for, Blair." Dan says as he still is trying to push us away from the rock. But the canoe won't budge.

"Oh my god," I shudder with horror, "What if it flips over and we get trapped? I do not want to die in a canoeing accident, Dan."

"Calm down, if you keep panicking we won't get unstuck. Take a deep breath." Dan says, softening his voice a little.

There are at least two inches of water now and I begin to hyperventilate. I shut my eyes as I feel Dan's hand rub my shoulder briefly and he tells me that he's going to get us unpinned from the rock. When his hand pulls away, I feel an ache.

"Okay, what do we have going on here?" I open my eyes to see Jack, pulling out a rope and some sort of tethering system. Within 5 minutes, he manages to get our canoe out from the rock and we're safely paddling back towards the shore. Once we're on land again, I can finally breathe properly. I take off each espadrille and dump out the water that puddled in each. Then, I promptly remove the uncomfortable life vest and wrap myself in a towel.

"Hey," Dan says, coming up behind me. "You okay?"

I turn back and glance at him. I shrug, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Sorry for yelling at you." He says regretfully.

"You were right, I wasn't paying attention. I guess you chose the wrong person to canoe with. I bet that wouldn't have happened had you just gone with Melanie."

"No," Dan shakes his head. "That could happen to anyone. The instructor should have warned everyone beforehand anyways. He barely went over instructions and safety regulations. It wasn't your fault."

"Well, anyway, I think I'm done for the day. I'm just going to head back." I tell him, grabbing my things.

"I'll come with you," Dan says, taking off his life jacket.

"You should stay, I'm sure you can find someone else that'll go out on the water with you. Lila or Olivia maybe," I begin to suggest.

"No, I'm good." He takes both our life jackets and puts them away. Then we both head back to the cabin, stopping at the bathrooms on the way back to change out of our swimsuits. We're the only ones inside, everyone else is still out doing their afternoon activities.

I sit down on the couch in the foyer of the cabin with a sigh. "Now what?"

Dan shrugs, "I'm not sure. Dinner isn't for another three hours." He thinks about it. "We could for a hike. It's really nice out right now."

I give him a look. "Do you really see that happening for me right now?"

He laughs and then sits down next to me. "How about a game then? You could try to beat me at Scrabble. I know you lost the first time but I'll go easy on you this time."

Damn, I thought he forgot about that and our bet. Clearly not. "Yeah right." I roll my eyes. "By the way, when is this activity happening? The retreat is almost over."

"Soon enough," Dan is vague and has a faint smirk on his lips.

"Will you just tell me what it is already?" I say in exasperation and sink back into the couch.

"I prefer the element of suspense so you'll just have to wait." He says, now openly smirking.

I glare at him. "You're the worst." After a few moments of silence, I realize there really is nothing else to do. "Fine, I'll play a game with you but not Scrabble. Are there any board games you weren't a champion of in college? Unlike you, I had a social life so I'm no secret game mastermind."

"Scrabble is the only game that you'd have to worry about. Let's go to the rec hall and see what games they have." Dan leads us there and a moment later we're scanning through a whole bookshelf full of board games. We end up taking a few games, upon my insistence in case he ends up being good at the one we choose.

Once we're back in the cabin, we begin to debate which to play. I get to choose first since I lost at Scrabble, at least I guilt trip him into agreeing to that.

"Let's make this into a drinking game." I proclaim as we unbox the game.

Dan laughs and then realizes I'm serious. "How could we do that? We don't have alcohol."

"I do," I say conspiratorially. "You think I snuck into this land of granolas without a little coping mechanism? Luckily, I haven't needed it but given our near-death experience today I think we deserve it."

"I don't know, Blair. Won't we get kicked out for that?" He eyes the bottle of gin I'm holding up.

"Dan, we're adults and this isn't a high school summer camp. We'll be fine, we won't get that drunk." When he doesn't relent, I add a please for good measure.

"Fine, how do you suggest we make The Game of Life into a drinking game then?" He asks me, still seeming a bit skeptical.

I pour us each a drink into our reusable water bottles and mixing the gin with tonic I also thought to bring. "Drink every time the other person has a major life event. Like gets engaged, gets married, has kids, etc. Oh and drink anytime you get sued." I think about whether that's enough and then tack on, "And finish your drink if you lose."

Dan winces, "It sounds like you're trying to get us wasted."

"Just beat me to the end of the game and you'll be fine." I tell him my voice laced with saccharine sweetness.

"Drink!" I say in triumph for what has to be the 9th time now. We've been over halfway through the game and I'm winning by a landslide. "I would never want this many kids in real life but you know, procreation is much more worth it when it results in you having to not only pay me but also drink."

Dan shakes his head after taking a drink. "Are you going to reveal yet that you were a secret champion at Life?"

"Well, I am quite a champion at life, literally but not in terms of the board game." I say sardonically. I spin the wheel and get 10 again which puts me only a few spots away from the end. "Get ready to finish that drink."

Sure enough, I beat Dan by retiring with over 1 million dollars. After he downs the rest of his drink, Dan says to me, "You know, I'm beginning to think this was all a scheme to get me kicked out of here. That way you don't have to follow through on our bet."

I give him a mischievous smile. "Maybe it was."

"I knew it," He says, narrowing his eyes.

"I'm kidding, relax. No scheme. You'll be fine, dinner is still almost two hours away. That's plenty of time to drink water and get sober enough that no one will notice." After surveying the look he gives me I relent, "Okay not exactly sober but not so drunk that everyone will notice. Come on, let's go get you water."

I lace up my Gucci sneakers and pull on my floral embroidered parka. Dan stumbles up and I frown, "Shit, you are pretty drunk. Maybe you should stay here and I'll just go."

"No, I'm fine, I'll go with you." He says, swaying slightly.

"No, stay on the couch and don't move. I'll be right back." I instruct him and then march out. I'm only tipsy, bordering on drunk, but throughout high school, my friends and I would drink and our parents were none the wiser. I'm skilled in feigning soberness so if I run into Lark or some other retreat instructor, I'll be just fine.

As I'm walking I hear my name and turn back to see, Jay, behind me, exiting the yoga studio. "Hi," I say, steeling myself. _Okay, Blair, you are completely sober. There is not a drunk person waiting for you back at the cabin. You have been having a perfectly innocent afternoon of board games…_

"What are you up to?" He glances around. "Shouldn't you be in an activity group?"

"Oh, we got done early." I say breezily, bringing a hand up to brush my hair out of my face.

Jay nods, "You weren't in class today. What did you do instead?"

"I canoed, wasn't exactly for me though. I'll probably be back in yoga tomorrow."

Jay smiles at me. A broad white-teeth smiled that lights up his whole face, "You're getting really good, I've definitely seen an improvement in your concentration during your practice."

"Thanks," I feel my cheeks heat. I feel a bit self-conscious, hearing him go over my 'improvements.'

"If you ever want to do a private yoga session, I could probably help you master that Half Moon Pose." He offers and pulls out a business card which I take, a little apprehensively. "My number is on there. I know you don't have access to your phone yet though."

"Maybe I should report you for encouraging phone use." I say flirtily with a sly smile. It's been so long since I've flirted with someone, I can't help it. Especially with how his tan skin is glimmering in the golden sunlight. "I believe that breaks Rooted's detox policy."

He smiles back, "Well, then you can just find me then. You know where my studio is."

"True," I nod. "Thanks, I'll think about it."

We nod in farewell and I go fill up Dan's water bottle. When I return, he's standing near the door. "What took so long? You were gone for like, 20 minutes."

I glance at my watch, "I was only gone 10 minutes." I roll my eyes. "You're such a dramatic drunk." I hand him the water.

"Still, the refill station is only a two-minute walk." He says, taking a sip of his water.

"Yeah, I ran into someone." I shrug.

Dan's eyes widen. "Did we get found out?"

I laugh. "You are too paranoid. No, it was just Jay." His expression is still blank so I clarify. "The yoga instructor."

"Oh," Dan says. "What did he want?"

"He just was being chatty. He offered to give me a private yoga lesson so I could advance my skills." I say coyly.

"What the fuck? Is that like a euphemism?" Dan looks incredulous.

"No, if it were a euphemism he probably would have offered to help me with my downward dog." Dan's face morphs into anger and I quickly add, "which he didn't."

"What did you say to him?" Dan asks.

"That's between me and him." I say with a smirk. At Dan's expression, I say, "You're cute when you're jealous."

Dan goes still and his face is unreadable. I really regret saying that now. I grab my bottle which is still ¼ full and finish my gin and tonic. Then, I try to cover, "I'm kidding. I know you're only doing your best friend duty to Aaron by looking out for me."

"I just think it's hardly ethical for a staff member to be asking out a retreat attendee." Dan speaks at last.

"He didn't ask me out. If anything he was just trying to be flirty, or maybe promote his yoga business. Besides, I can take care of myself, Dan. I don't need you babysitting me." I say a little defensively. "It's not like I said yes, I told him I would think about it."

Dan relaxes at last and sits back down on the couch. "Maybe I should come to that yoga class with you though and make sure he's not getting too handsy with his 'adjustments.'" Dan mimes air quotes.

I laugh, "I don't think that's necessary. Though it would be hilarious to see you trying to do yoga." I picture Dan doing downward dog and laugh even harder. "I take that back, I think you should come."

"You don't think I can do yoga do you?" Dan asks me.

"I think you'd fall flat on your face in the first five minutes." I tell him.

"If you can do it, I can." He challenges me.

"That's not very nice. Why do you say that?" I scowl at him.

"Because you couldn't more than one hike without getting injured." He gestures towards my arm.

"That's different. I was a ballerina, I have excellent balance which is what you need in yoga." I point out. "If you're so confident then do it now. I bet you that you lose your balance first while doing tree pose."

"What's tree pose?" Dan asks, looking bewildered. "Also, my balance is obviously impaired right now."

"So is mine," I raise my now empty bottle, "I'm just as impaired as you are. This is tree pose," I raise one leg and bring my foot to rest on the inside of my upper thigh. Then I close my palms in a sort of prayer pose in front of my chest.

Dan looks wary but mimics me and promptly wobbles.

I laugh and walk over to him, "Put your foot on your calf, not your thigh, obviously, you won't be as flexible as I am."

"So you're saying you're really flexible?" Dan says, smirking and I regret my word choice. I ignore him and get ready for tree pose again.

"Ready, set, go." I stare him down as we both stare in the same stance. I barely even blink, keeping my eyes fixed on his. It suddenly feels quite intimate, staring so intensely at one another. I feel my balance begin to falter and close my eyes to concentrate better. I hear a loud thud and open them to see Dan lost his balance. "I win! I win! I win!"

Dan acquiesces, "You win. Congratulations!"

"Maybe I should tell Jay that it's not me that'll be needing the private yoga lesson. It's you." I tease him and pull his business card out of the pocket of my parka. I wave it at him, mockingly.

Dan takes it from me, "He even gave you his number? How much more obvious could it be that this guy wants to get in your pants?"

I snatch it back, "You know, for someone who quote-unquote didn't feel anything when kissing me, you sure do take issue with the prospect of me being with someone else."

Dan flinches in surprise at my words and studies me. I can't believe i just said that. It's the unspoken thing that's lingered between us ever since it happened, both of us treading around it. And I just broke the silence, just like that, I'm shocked at myself. But what Dan says next, surprises me even more, "I didn't exactly not feel anything."

"What do you mean?" I narrow my eyes in apprehension.

Dan looks away, "You know what I mean."

"No, I don't," I'm purposefully ignorant. I need clarification because I do not want to read this wrong.

Dan lets out a breath, "Obviously, I felt something."

"Then why did you say you didn't?" I say, suspiciously.

Dan meets my eye again. "Because I didn't know how you felt about it."

"So you let me believe it was a totally heinous kiss that you hated enduring?"

"No, I didn't mean to imply that. Why? Is that how you felt about it?" He asks me.

"No." I say flatly.

"Well, me neither." Dan says simply and we're both just left staring at one another. Finally, he breaks the silence. "Can I ask you something? Without you responding sarcastically."

"Maybe," I'm non-committal.

"Do you like Jay? Like, do you want to date him or hook up with him?" I see a pang of jealousy flashing across his face.

"No," I say seriously, not breaking eye contact.

"And if I were to kiss you, would you kiss me back?" His words make my stomach flutter and I can only manage a nod in response. With that, he closes the small gap between us and brings his hands to my face. Within a second his lips are on mine.


	8. Chapter 8

I don't know how long we've been kissing… minutes? Hours? Days? But I know I'm over just kissing. I want more.

I push Dan towards the lower bunk bed, careful not to bump our heads on the upper bunk. I climb on him and begin tearing at his buttons, all while keeping my lips on his. It's not until I've shed my jacket and top that he breaks the kiss. As I sit atop him, clad only in my dark-wash high-waist skinny jeans and pale pink lace bra, he takes me in. His eyes trail down then return up to my gaze. The expression he has is so filled with longing that it makes my heart stop momentarily. So much so that I have to break eye contact by kissing to ease the feeling. I sigh into him as his lips respond.

As I reach down to unbutton his jeans, my lips not leaving his, his hand halts me. I feel it wrap around mine, holding me back. I pull away slightly, "You don't want to?" I ask in a dismayed voice.

Dan stares up at me, unblinking. Then he lets out a breath and shakes his head. "I do, it's just…" He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm not so sure it's a good idea."

I furrow my brow, "Why not?"

"We've been drinking and it doesn't feel right. Besides everyone could return at any minute."

I scoff, "That's what you're worried about?" I glance at my watch on the side table, we still have at least an hour. "There is plenty of time and we'll hear them coming from a mile away. And… I'm not that drunk, I'm fully aware of the decision I'm making. So stop worrying and just have fun."

I must have said the wrong thing because before Dan's face was apprehensive but now it's resolute. "No, we can't."

To signal just how serious he is, he begins putting back on his shirt. The action is like a slap to the face.

I reel back and grab my shirt, angrily. I pull it over my head and tug my jacket back on. I almost forget shoes but remember at the last minute to stuff my feet back into my sneakers before stalking out of the cabin in frustration. All before Dan can even register I've left.

I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going as I storm out of the cabin. All I know is I'm furious with myself for letting any of that get started. Why do I keep throwing myself at him only to get rejected? You would think I would have learned from the first time. The worst part is how much it bothers me. I wish I could brush it off but I can't for some reason.

I hate that I can still feel the softness of his lips against mine and the way his hands brushed my face. I shake the memory as I begin walking down the trail that leads to… To where I don't even now. I glance up at the sky and see it's nearly dusk. Dinner will be any minute and I don't even know how long I've been walking. I glance at my watch and see it's 6:55. I realize I better head back and turn around. It's 7:10 when I finally get back, as I spot the dining hall I'm flooded with relief. There were a few moments in which I wondered if I was actually headed the wrong way and would spend the whole night deserted in the woods.

I walk in and scan the room for my friends, better yet, anyone except Dan. But of course, there he is, staring at me with some sort of intention. I push past him as I get in line to grab a plate of food but he doesn't take the hint.

"What the fuck, Blair? Where were you?" He says urgently.

"Why would I tell you?" I say seethingly and turn away.

"You can't just disappear out here and not tell anyone where you're going. It's dangerous."

"So you've been telling me," I roll my eyes. I turn back to face him and manage my iciest tone. "But as you can see, I managed on my own just fine. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to enjoy my dinner without a lecture. If you're in need of a companion to discuss rules and regulations with you should find Lark."

He scans my face before finally walking away from me.

I take my seat next to Melanie and try to let out any remaining traces of anger so I can seem like myself. But as we sit through dinner, even as she tries to converse with me, my eyes burn into the back of Dan's head as he sits a few tables away from me. I just don't understand how things went so wrong…

Well, regardless of what happened and why, I won't let myself be rejected like that again. I resolve to avoid him for the rest of the trip. No, for the rest of my life I correct myself as I remember he's, unfortunately, a fixture of my life back in the city, thanks to Aaron. Add that to the long list of reasons why Aaron is the bane of my existence.

Perhaps I'll move, I begin to ponder as I walk back to the cabin after dinner. I start thinking of all the cities in which I call home. Really any city that's free of Dan sounds like paradise to me right now.

And of course, Dan takes that precise moment to remind me of his presence. "Blair, can we talk?"

I pull away as he reaches for my arm. "No, we cannot." I say icily, marching on.

"Blair," he sounds like he's losing his patience. "Let me explain."

"Dan, I can assure you no explanation is needed. The best thing you can do right now would be to leave me alone, for the remainder of the trip and go find someone else to torment. You've done enough damage for a lifetime. Actually, if you can leave me alone back in New York too that would be great. Then I can try to forget about that time I lost my sanity, probably due to cabin fever, and momentarily found  _Dan Humphrey_  appealing." I wrinkle my nose for effect. "You've ruined this trip for me just by being here so don't make it worse by humiliating me and reminding me of what almost happened."

I can tell I've landed a punch because his face morphs from urgency to regret to hurt. "If that's what you want, then I'll never mention it again."

"Good." I nod, wishing I felt relieved or something. But I don't, I almost feel worse as he walks away from me and I'm left standing alone in the woods.


	9. Chapter 9

Dan is one to keep his word, I've learned. For the past few days, he's not once tried to talk to me or even sit next to me. It's as though none of it ever happened. It's wiped from the slate. To two bystanders you would think we were complete strangers who had no outside connection from this place. If only that were true, I think to myself.

If it were, then once I left this place I could leave with it the memory of kissing him, twice, and pretend it never happened. But I can't. I know every time Aaron mentions him or worse yet, I see him, I'll feel that pang that's becoming so familiar as it occurs every time my eyes fall upon him. That pang of… regret? Humiliation? Rejection? All of the above, really.

The worse part is he's not lacking for company. Melanie has become his new best friend apparently. Whichever activity Dan does, Melanie does, and vice versa. It's nauseating and of course, I'm stuck watching from the sidelines with Olivia, Lila, and Devries, who I'm taking quite the liking to. Given that she was Melanie's right hand before Dan entered the scene she is rather bitter and equipped with some well-placed insults.

We are currently standing around in a circle with Lark in the middle. The solo hikes are tomorrow in which everyone will head off in pairs of 2, hike, camp overnight, and return the following morning. So Lark is currently explaining the details, which I'm fixedly ignoring given I'll be opting out of the _Wild_ excursion, only Reese Witherspoon can make backpacking look cute.

"Write down the name of the person you wish to be paired with and we will do our best to accommodate everyone's requests." Lark says now and begins passing out notecards and pens.

"I wonder who Keats over there will choose," Devries says to me, Lila, and Olivia as she pointedly looks at Dan.

"I think we all know the answer to that one and it's not you." Olivia says, "It'll be no shocked when he's paired up with Melanie and they'd head off into the sunset for 24 hours, just the two of them and a tent. We all know what'll happen. I'd say, not a whole lot of hiking."

I feel a gut-wrenching stab at her words and look away from where they are standing. I promptly rip up my notecard and approach Lark.

"I'm sorry but I won't be able to do the hike. My arm isn't healed." I make a pained expression and lightly touch my arm. Then I act like I'm doing her a big favor by saying, "I thought it best to let you know now so you don't pair me with anyone."

Lark surveys me and then says, "Blair this is a key part of the Rooted program. We highly suggest everyone partake and as you know, it's the only way to obtain a certificate of completion."

I nod gravely, "Yes, I understand what I'll be sacrificing. But if there's one thing I've learned in my time here, it's to listen to my body. My body is telling me it's not up to this hike."

Lark nods then says, "How about you head to the medical office and they'll take a look? Just to be sure."

I weigh my options and note that her tone isn't so much a suggestion but more so an order. I decide I can feign some illness there and get them to clear me. I paste on a beaming smile, "Great idea."

On the bright side, this excursion to the medic has gotten me out of the morning activity which was learning to lace up hiking boots the proper way and a bunch of other information that is completely irrelevant to me.

I summon my most wounded seeming expression as I stroll into the medical offices. It's empty like last time and I breathe in the cool, air-conditioned oxygen. The nurse instructs me to sit on the chair as I wait for Nathan to come.

"Back again? Did you stumble into another branch?" He jokes as he walks in.

"Nope, back for the same injury." I say with a frown. "Personally, I think it'll heal with time and rest but Lark was convinced it needed to be looked over again. She's pretty intent on me going on the hike tomorrow."

Nathan's brow furrows as he steps closer and takes a hold of my arm. His rugged features are fit for the wilderness and I imagine he'd be quite appealing to some girls. Maybe I should tell Olivia or Lila to get injured so they can come check him out. I can imagine them having a field day with playing for his attention.

"It looks like it's healed up quite nicely in my opinion." Damn, just what I was afraid he'd say. "I think you should be fine to go on the hike. What exactly makes you think it hasn't healed?" He says kindly.

"It throbs," I say bluntly, not able to think of anything else. "Sometimes I get a shooting pain too around there."

"Hm," He frowns. "It's hard to tell why. Those are two very different symptoms you're describing. Rooted normally frowns upon the use of lab-engineered medicines but I have pain relievers here because honestly, they do the job. Do you want to take one and you take another before the hike tomorrow?"

Ugh, I am beginning to feel like this place is a commune for a cult. Why can't they just let me skip the hike? A new plan is in order, I suddenly realize and tack on a bright smile. "That would be really great, thank you. You're right, I shouldn't let a little injury make me miss the most important part of this experience."

He smiles back at me, "That's the spirit. Now if it acts up at all during the hike, just come here after and I'll take a look."

"Definitely, thank you!" I stride out, acting as though I've just been miraculously healed after a life-altering injury.

Lark spots me and signals me over to the group, "So, what's the verdict?"

I wait until I'm closer, I don't need an audience for this exchange. "I'm cleared to go on the hike." I beam at her.

"Fantastic!" Her blonde head bobs with enthusiasm. "You're just in time for the map reading tutorial." She hands me a map and instructs me to open it then she resumes prattling on about what lines mean what and coordinating it with the compass. I lose focus within 30 seconds.

I whisper to Olivia and Lila, "I thought you two might be interested to know that the retreat medic looks a bit like McSteamy from Grey's and didn't have a wedding ring on."

Both of their eyes go as wide as saucers and they simultaneously say, "Mine!"

"Better abstain an injury so you can go meet him. I suggest a well-placed cut along the arc of your eyebrow. Eyebrow cuts are always sexy." I say conspiratorially. "Plus, he'd have to lean in close to stitch it up."

Lila wrinkles her nose, "But I can't deal with stitches. I have a fear of needles."

Olivia brightens at this, "I guess that decides it then, he's definitely mine. I have no problem with needles or blood."

Lila frowns and then says with an inspiration, "I'll just think of another injury that doesn't require stitches or blood."

They begin arguing back and forth and I lose interest. I glance up and accidentally meet Dan's eye as he is standing directly across from me. Melanie is leaning in and reading his map even though she has her own. I sharply look away and retrain my sight on the bickering girls, only half listening to what they are saying.

As soon as the lesson is over, Lila raises her hand like a fourth grader. "Lark? I think I need to go to the medic."

Olivia narrows her eyes at her and I watch with rapt attention.

Lark looks concerned, "What's wrong?"

"I have blisters that need to be treated before I can go hiking." Lila says innocently.

Olivia bursts out laughing and I elbow her to keep quiet. She whispers so only the three of us can hear, "Blisters? That's the least sexy injury ever. What a meet-cute that'll be. I treated her gross blistered feet that hadn't been given a pedicure in over two weeks." She snorts.

"I don't actually have blisters," Lila sneers in an undertone before turning back to Lark.

"Oh, just blisters? That can be taken care of back at your cabin. There should be a first aid kit. Take this one just in case," She hands her the first aid kit and then tells her all about how to wrap the blisters before the hike. Olivia looks triumphant while Lila pretends to listen to Lark while looking completely defeated.

Lark excuses to go off and begin packing for tomorrow's hike. But before I can get away, she stops me. "Blair? I didn't get a notecard from you with your preferred hiking buddy." I inwardly cringe at the term, hiking buddy. She hands me a notecard and pen.

It still doesn't matter since I'm not going on the hike but I suppose this new plan does require an accomplice and I know exactly who would be in on the plan. I scribble, _Olivia_ , and then hand back the notecard.

"Perfect, thank you, Blair. You also might want to ask one of your fellow retreaters to fill you in on what you missed while you were having your arm looked at." She says before leaving me. Well, that won't be necessary either according to my plan so no thank you, Lark.

I head off in the direction of Olivia. Even from the distance, I'm at I can see she is clearly struggling with loading up the backpacks provided to us with all the equipment for the hike. "So, what would you say if I had a plan that would not only get us out of the hike but also ensure you get a 'consultation' from McSteamy?"

"I would say, I'm in, duh." She drops the backpack dramatically and then gives me a mischievous smile. "So what's the plan?"

I fill her in on my plan which starts with us being paired off and ends with her in the medical office and me lounging comfortably in the cabin as I await my town car's arrival. When I finish, she looks as though I've just handed her the golden ticket.

"You are clever, Blair. I couldn't have thought of a better scheme myself." She says, smiling.

"Well, scheming is my forte," I say conspiratorially. Then I add, "I'm so glad you're in. I look forward to _not_ hiking with you."

"I look forward to _not_ hiking with you too." She echoes. She seems to think for a moment and then asks, "Why don't you want the hot doctor for yourself? Have your sights set on someone else?"

"Definitely not," I respond quickly. My gaze betrays me though and it lands on Dan who is stacking his camping supplies in a neat pile. "He's just not my type."

Olivia seems to see where I'm looking and then says, "Oh, more into the tortured writer type? Perhaps I shall warn Melanie?" She says teasingly, adding. "I wouldn't actually tell her, by the way. I think you'd be better with Dan than her anyways."

"God, no. Why would you even suggest that?" I feign disgust and shock.

Olivia shrugs. "Up until a few days ago, he was all over you, always coming to your rescue with the first aid kit and then the canoe clusterfuck. Clearly, he likes you. In fact, maybe he's just using Mel to make you jealous."

"I highly doubt that." My words contradict my feelings. I feel this bubble of hope rising that I can't help but flashback to the cabin and him rejecting me and shake my head resolutely. "It doesn't matter anyway because I am not interested in 22-year-olds in desperate need of hair product."

"Well, I can't disagree with you on the hair thing. I have contemplated assaulting him with pomade multiple times." She looks at him and seems to scrutinize his appearance. "But still, there's no denying he's cute and clearly thinks you are too."

"Melanie," I correct. "You mean Melanie, not me."

Olivia shakes her head, "Right, I mean Melanie."


	10. Chapter 10

I wake up nearly delirious with the anticipation of today. Just the very thought of the scheme I have in store and the great escape from this hell hole I have planned is enough to make me giddy. I must admit, the scheme is a little extreme but after two failed attempts at getting out of this fucking hike, I'm desperate. Plus, Olivia is in and every good scheme needs a partner in crime.

Glancing upwards, I think about how this is the last time I will wake up below Dan Humphrey. Thank god. I rise and head to the bathroom, taking extra time this morning on my morning routine. Afterall, I can hardly return to the city looking ravaged by the woods. Given I won't be doing any hiking it's not as though the makeup I'm applying will wear off. I can be homebound looking as though I didn't just spend two weeks in the middle of nowhere being tortured by hikes, canoe wrecks, and Dan Humphrey's company.

Of course, I still have to put on a the appearance of being in for a hike. So I have on my hiking boots, the same ones Reese Witherspoon wore in Wild, tight black leggings, and a quilted Moncler vest layered over a button-down plaid Alice + Olivia shirt. Meeting Olivia outside of the cabin, I see she had the same idea as me judging by her ensemble and makeup-clad face. I give her a conspiratorial look, "Ready to screech out of here like Thelma and Louise?"

"Definitely." She nods in accordance, a mischievous grin playing at her lips.

"Who's ready to hike?" Lark's peppy voice blares through the megaphone, making both Olivia and I roll our eyes.

A few cheers go out and it reminds me of how glad I'll be to be far away from these people. My eyes can't help but search for Dan and find him standing just off to the right. We meet eyes and I quickly glance away, but not before I notice him frowning at my outfit. Asshole.

"So first thing's first! Time to announce partners." Lark announces and then starts reading off a list.

I grin at Olivia, not listening to the endless stream of pairings, "This is the easy part."

A name catches my attention though,"Melanie and…" I listen closely waiting for Dan's name to almost certainly follow. "...Kipton."

"That's weird," I can't help but exclaim. "I thought for sure the happy couple would be paired up."

Olivia shrugs, "Well the golden ones would be paired up."

I can't help but feel a surge of relief at them being separated. Of course only because I think it would serve him right to get paired up with someone totally physically inept like Lila.

"Olivia and Devries." My head snaps up.

"What the fuck? Are there two Olivia's?" I whisper sharply.

"I don't think so." Olivia looks panicked and we both start glancing around in confusion. If she's with Devries then who am I with…

"Dan and Blair." No, no, no. This has got to be some sick joke.

"No fucking way," I say louder than intended, causing a few people, including Dan to look my way.

I feel my cheeks heating with anger as I wait for Lark to finish reading off the pairs. I'm ready to pounce and argue the choice as soon as the crowds have cleared and nearly everyone has begun finding their partner as instructed.

"Excuse me," My tone automatically passive aggressive. "I thought we got to pick our pairs."

Lark smiles sweetly, "in most cases, yes everyone got paired with who they chose."

"But I didn't get paired with Olivia even though I requested her." I protest trying not to sound like a petulant child.

Lark nods and looks down at the sheet on her clipboard. "Right, I see that here."

"So…" I wait for her to explain.

"Well, ultimately we have to choose a pairing that will be complimentary. We also have to factor in the request of each person in the duo. So your situation was a bit more complicated."

Lark exhales, seeming tired of this conversation. She glances around and motions me to move aside with her to a more private area. "Dan requested he be partnered with you and we felt the pairing made sense given his first aid training and your… injury." She pauses over the word seeming skeptical still.

_Dan requested me? What the actual fuck?_ I can't help but glance his way and glare at him. He really is set on ruining everything.

"Well, I appreciate your concern but I will be just fine with Olivia. So can we switch?"

"No, sorry, Blair but the pairings are permanent. We can't make any last minute changes without risking the safety of all of the hikers."

_What bullshit_ , I think to myself. My mind reels as I consider the options which are slim to none. My carefully crafted plan, so easily wiped out with one swift move initiated by Dan.

I stomp over to Olivia, "We're fucked." I don't care if Dan can hear. "She won't let us switch for 'safety reasons.'"

"No," Olivia groans. "But I want McSteamy's number and to be sipping on rose by happy hour."

"Well, thanks to Dan that won't be happening. Given that you paired with Lila you might actually be in luck. I don't see her making it overnight, let alone to 5 PM." I point out.

"True… Maybe I'll think of something." She says in a hopeful tone.

Lark catches our attention again, ordering everyone to pair up and be ready to leave in 5.

"Good luck," I manage a small smile which fades the second I turn to make my way over to Dan.

I shoot him with my most seething look as I approach. "Thanks for choosing me, I feel so lucky." I say sarcastically. Then I add, "What happened to our deal?"

"I'm following through on it." He shrugs.

"You call this leaving me alone?" I question him incredulously.

"No, not that deal. The other one, the first one we made."

I stare blankly at him.

"Remember? You lost Scrabble so I got to choose an activity you had to do on this retreat. Well, this is it."

"You're fucking kidding me, right? I think that deal was nullified a long time ago." I shake my head.

"A bet is a bet Blair, and I won." He puts his backpack on, scanning the map Lark just passed out.

"You're cruel." I say under my breath, wishing I was anywhere but here. I take a deep breath, resigning myself to my fate. If there's one bright side to this whole situation, it's that I can finally prove him wrong. He thinks I'm so unequipped for the outdoors, well here's my chance to show him.

We don't speak for two whole hours. The only sound is the snapping of branches and crunching of leaves beneath our feet. The silence is only broken when Dan asks if we've reached a good place to stop and eat. I shrug and sit down on the rock. He pulls out a sandwich while I reach for my bag of trail mix.

"Aren't you going to eat more than that? We've still got a long way to go." He asks me once he's finished his sandwich and sees I'm still just eating trail mix.

I shake my head, still refusing to speak to him unless necessary. I'm not so petty as to play the silent game but I know any exchange of words will only lead to an argument. And I need to save all the energy I can to endure this neverending hike. Plus, I don't have anything else to eat. I didn't think I would actually be on this hike so I skipped the food-packing step of hike preparations this morning. All I jammed in was some trail mix, popcorn, and granola bars so it didn't seem totally obvious I'd be fleeing at the first chance I got.

When we reach the rest point, a set of benches and a tiny row of bathrooms, I exhale with relief. Over halfway now, the point at which we will set up camp is less than a mile and then we can finally rest. Other retreaters are already at the rest point too and I feel a flicker of hope that I'll see one of my friends.

Shockingly, it's Lila I run into inside the small women's bathroom.

She spots me and instantly starts speaking rapidly in run-on sentences, "I'm so exhausted, oh my god, and I'm paired with Matt who insists on 'powering through' even though it's like only 4 and it won't be dark until at least 7. I mean why the hell did they pair me with him? At first, I was all excited, you know, cause he's hot. But it's not worth it. I can't cut it, Blair."

I notice the beads of sweat across her forehead, the blotchy patches covering her normally pale cheeks, and wince. She's faring worse than I even expected. "Rinse your face," I instruct her. "Drink this," I hand her one of the electrolyte-infused waters Dan made me put in my backpack.

"Thanks," She says weakly, chugging it down.

I smile at her reassuringly, "You'll be fine. Everyone's designated campsite should only be about a mile from here. So you'll be there soon."

She nods, "Thank god. At least I'll be super skinny after this."

Blair laughs. "And at least you aren't stuck with Dan."

Lila frowns, "You don't like being paired with Dan? He seems so considerate like he would never make you keep hiking even if you feel like you're feet are going to fall off like Matt does. I'll trade you."

"I think I'm good." As much as appealing as getting this hike over with faster sounds, the trade hardly sounds worth it.

When I come up, Dan looks up from the bench he was sitting at. A strange expression crossing his face. I furrow my brow at him, "What?"

"I just thought for sure you would have escaped through the bathroom window. I was going to give you another five minutes." He says, in what seems to be a serious tone.

"Don't think I didn't contemplate it at great length." I say, glancing at him sideways. I put my backpack back on, feeling as though I've just been weighted back down by a bag of bricks and stifle a groan. "Let's get this over with."

We arrive at the campsite 45 minutes later and I throw down the backpack feeling relieved. "I can't believe I have to sleep in the woods tonight." I give Dan a pointed look.

"At least you're getting the full retreat experience," Dan says, unloading the rolled up tent that was previously strapped to his back.

"Lucky me." I smile fakely and get out the stakes for the tent.

We manage to make it through the tent set up without fighting once. But maybe that's because I let Dan do all the work and only had the pieces in place as he assembled it all. I survey the tiny tent and feel a pang of anxiety at the thought of having to share the tightly enclosed space with Dan for a full night.

"Dinner?" He asks me after getting a fire going.

"Do we have food?" I ask him, dreading of the sad bag of popcorn and measly granola bars in my bag.

Lark gave us all insulated bags with dinner in it that just needs to be heated over the fire. But I'm guessing you didn't grab one since you had your whole escape plan in place." He reaches into his backpack, retrieving two bags. "But luckily I grabbed one for you."

"Oh, thanks." I take it from him weakly. I survey the contents, some sort of veggie hot dog it looks like and husked corn.

Dan hands me skewers and I wrinkle my nose. "Yum," I say sarcastically.

"It doesn't look that bad." He says, putting the veggie dog on the skewer.

"Blair Waldorf doesn't eat anything off a stick." I proclaim proudly.

"Of course you don't." He reaches into his backpack and retrieves a small plate and fork.I take it wondering if everyone got these or if he just grabbed these for me. I decide not to ponder it further, because what's the point? Either way, we're still not friends, if anything we just are in a ceasefire.

"Now what?" I ask after we've finished eating. Although the sky is dark now and only illuminated by the stars and moon, we still have time before we need to go to bed. I don't know if it's the anxiety-inducing presence of Dan or the trepidation at being attacked by bears in the night, I just know I won't be able to fall asleep yet.

"We could play a game…" Dan suggests, pulling a deck of cards from his backpack.

"Right, because we have such a great track record when it comes to that." Blair rolls her eyes.

Dan ignores my remark. "What are your ideas then?"

I try to think of something but come up blank. There is nothing for miles now and all we have is the campfire, tent, and whatever we brought in our backpacks. "Let's plan out tomorrow. What's the fastest way to get us out of here?"

"Just when I thought we were starting to enjoy each other's company again-"

I cut him off, "Again? When did we ever enjoy each other's company."

Dan looks a little stung but continues, "Anyways, we can get up at 6 and make it back by 10 AM if we don't make more than one stop."

Blair sighs contently, imagining how nice it'll be to settle into her town car, seat warmers on, earbuds in, and a glass of champagne by her side- in celebration of surviving. "Works for me." She agrees.

"Do you already know the fastest route or should we map it?" Blair grabs her copy of the map which is still crisp at the edges due to its lack of use.

"I think I know but if you're skeptical I will show you." Dan offers and sits closer to me on the log. He leans across me to point on the map and my breath catches for a second at the close proximity. I shift a little while pretending to listen to him describe the route. I wish every time he got close to me my mind didn't jump back to kissing him. Maybe I'll see about setting up a hypnotist when I get back to the city to block out the memory. The last thing I need is to throw up my pumpkin pie next year at Thanksgiving because he leaned a little too close to me at the table while reaching for the whipped cream and I had another flashback of the kiss.

"Blair? Were you even listening to any of that?" Dan stares expectantly at me and I snap to attention.

"Yes, just burning it into my brain in case you get us lost. I'm determined to make it back to the city by 5 PM at the latest tomorrow. Which means I'm out of here by 11 whether you're lost in the woods or safely back at the retreat."

"How generous of you." Dan says sardonically, folding the map back up and handing it to me.

"Well, that actually was quite exhausting. I think I'll head to bed." I remember that my bed for tonight is a sleeping bag and I inwardly sigh.

"Okay, goodnight, Blair." He says as I stand up and start towards the tent. I don't return the goodnight instead, I just give him a half smile and a nod before climbing into the tent.

I toss and turn, desperate for sleep for the next hour. I can't sleep when I keep anticipating Dan's arrival into the tent. I wonder what he's doing out there, through the canvas tent I can see the firelight flickering. I glance to my right and once again mentally measure the distance that'll be between us. Exactly my forearm length. I keep worrying I'll roll over in my sleep and wake up directly next to him. Or vice versa. Even once he is inside the tent and I can stop wondering when he'll come in I know I won't feel any less restless.

As though anticipating my thoughts, I hear the splash of water and see the firelight go out. I roll onto my side to face away from his side of the tent. I let my eyes fall close, pretending to be asleep. A few moments later, the tent is being unzipped and I feel Dan brush up against my sleeping bag as he zips it shut. Then, I hear him climb into his sleeping bag and he's still so close I can almost feel him. My senses are electrified as I lay as still as possible.

Eventually, sleep overtakes me because I wake to the sunlight streaming in the following morning. I glance over and once again mentally measure the gap between us. A palm's length now. I am still safely on the left side of the tent, so it was Dan who shifted closer in the night. Intentionally or not I'll never know I suppose. So I climb out of the tent before he can wake up. I head straight for my backpack and check that sleeping on such low thread count materials didn't totally wreck my skin. I'm relieved to find that all of the moisturizing and product applying I did yesterday seemed to carry over as I actually look pretty good. I brush my teeth using a water bottle and comb my hair for the next few minutes as I wait for Dan to get up.

Finally, I hear his sleeping bag unzip and he comes out of the tent. I check my watch, 6 AM, right on time.

"Ready?" I say, not waiting for an answer and beginning to unstake the tent.

"You really are intent on getting out of here as fast as possible. Don't forget, we have to take the Polaroid to show our campsite setup." Dan says, emerging from the tent.

I stop unstaking to look up at him. "You're not serious?"

"It's part of the requirements to earn a certificate."

"Dan, do you really think I want photo evidence or worse yet a reminder of this whole experience? I'll pass." I say sharply.

"You don't have to be in it." He laughs.

"Ugh, fine go ahead take your precious photo so you can earn your certificate." I dramatically step out of the way.

"What's up with your mood today?" He frowns at me.

"I am just trying to get out of here. We agreed to leave at 6 and now we are wasting time taking photos when we could be hiking back. Some of us have lives to return to." I cross my arms, defensively. Of course, I'd never tell him the real reason I'm moody today. Like an idiot, I laid there last night in that tent thinking and hoping maybe he'd do something to make up for the other day. But of course not.

He snaps the Polaroid and then puts the camera back in his backpack. "Okay if it's so pertinent we leave immediately, I'll get started on packing up. Before you collapse the tent though, it might be wise to get out everything inside it."

"I knew that." I seeth through my lie.

I climb into the tent and start rolling up my sleeping bag. I make a few unsuccessful attempts at fitting it into the bag it came with and fail. "What the fuck? Why make a bag for it that doesn't even fit it."

"Want help?" Dan extends his arm to take it from him.

"Fine," I hand it to him, watching as he rerolls the sleeping bag and effortlessly stuffs it into its holder.

"I don't see why you chose me anyway. Wilderness Barbie would be much better suited to this. You two could get your matching certificates and be the poster children for Rooted Retreat." I say sardonically as I shuffle around the tent continuing to pack. Dan ignores this remark and we remain in silence until we go outside the tent to break it down.

"I don't mean to offend you the other day. If you would've just let me explain-" He says suddenly, breaking our silence on the unspoken topic.

I look up sharply, tent stake in hand. "There's nothing to explain. No offense was taken."

"Obviously it was because you've been… different toward me ever since." He starts and then pauses for a moment. He sets down the tent poles he just removed and walks over to me. He's so close now, closer than he has been since 'the encounter' as I've mentally termed it. "Can we just talk for a second? Then we'll pack up and leave."

There's such sincerity in his eyes, my resolve is beginning to break. But then I remember the way he looked at me when he said, "No, we can't." The sting of his rejection, still fresh. I choose to echo his words from that night, "No, we can't."

Something in him seems to snap because he exhales sharply. "Fuck, Blair, why do you insist on being so stubborn? I'm trying here and you won't even give me a chance."

"I'm stubborn?" I round on him, feeling anger bubble up. "How the fuck am I the stubborn one? This whole entire trip you've been so hellbent on following the rules and making me follow them too, you're basically incapable of creativity."

"If creativity means taking part in potentially dangerous actions or regrettable ones then yes, I am fine with being as such."

"Regrettable?" I feel a sharp sting at his words and can't mask my hurt.

He seems to realize what he just implied and tried to backtrack, concern etched across his face. "No, I didn't mean it like that-"

"It's fine. You're right, it is quite regrettable. Perhaps every decision I've made here has been regrettable including my choice to come here." I say quickly, my fists clenching tightly around the cool metal in my hand. "In fact, since you're so excellent at following the rules I'm sure you'll make it back to the camp just fine on your own."

I thrust the tent stakes at him angrily, jabbing him with them as I do so. "Blair," he tries to hold my arms, to halt me but I tug away furiously.

"I'm leaving," I say gathering up my backpack, sleeping bag, and grabbing one of the waters. "See you back in the city."

"You can't leave, Blair. I don't want you to hike alone. I'll worry about you." He says placatingly.

I wish didn't feel a foolish bubble of hope at his words. He'll only worry about you because if anything happens to me Aaron will blame him, I remind myself. "I know the route, I'll be fine."

"Well, you have stuff in the backpack that I need to finish packing up. You have the bag for the tent poles and stakes, you have both maps, and probably other things that are necessary to make it back."

I groan frustratedly. I reach into the backpack angrily, trying to retrieve all the items he just listed out. As I dig further I suddenly feel a sharp searing pain in my hand and reel back. "Fuck!"

I pull my hand away which is now bloody right at the edge of my palm. Dan's eyes land on my hand and he rushes over, taking it in his. I try to pull away but he holds steady. "What happened?"

"Something cut me, obviously," I say sharply, in pain.

He turns my hand and surveys it from an angle. "It looks deep. Go sit, I'll get the first aid kit."

I look again and see he's right, there's no way I can just ignore this. Reluctantly, I sit down on the log and offer my hand to him as he returns with the kit. He pulls out the tiny bottle of hydrogen peroxide and pours it over the cut. The cut burns and bubbles, I try not to wince in pain. "Sorry if that stung." He says apologetically. "I think it needs stitches but we'll just have to bandage it for now and you'll have to keep pressure on it."

He retrieves a roll of gauze and begins winding it around my hand. I hate that 5 seconds ago I was proudly ready to stomp out of here, all on my own, and now I'm at his mercy. He secures the gauze with a tiny white strip of tape. "There, that should do for now. You'll have to go to the medic when we get back. I'll finish packing up." Then he seems to think of something, "How did you even get that cut?"

I feel my cheeks heat and don't want to answer him. How can I spin this to totally not sound crazy? Because now that I think over the scheme it was totally insane. "Um, a scalpel was in my bag and I didn't realize."

Dan's brows knit together. "Why was there a scalpel in there?" He says suspiciously.

"It May or may not have been part of my plan to get out of the hike." I'm not even able to meet his eye.

Dan sighs heavily. "Please do elaborate."

I hesitate then begin, "it's not as extreme as it sounds…"

He was me warily but I confuse anyways. "I just was going to give Olivia a minor, really minor," I emphasize, "cut so that we could get out of the hike."

He runs a hand across his forehead. "Jesus, Blair do you even realize how potentially dangerous that plan was?"

I do now, I lift up my bandaged hand.

"Where did you even get a scalpel?"

I wince, "Perhaps I found it at the medic's office."

"You stole a scalpel?" Dan says incredulously. "This is why I wrote down your name, you're a liability. Good thing that plan didn't have a chance to be executed."

I'm in too much pain to argue with him now so I just sit with my eyes fixed at the ground and let him resume packing up. Before we set off, he checks the bandages on my hand one more time and deems it adequate for now. It ends up needing to be rebandaged anyways halfway through the hike back. When we finally make it back to the retreat, I feel a wash of relief. I called for the town car to be here at 11 with my smuggled phone before we left yesterday so it thankfully should be here any minute.

"Medic," Dan reminds me as we approach the building.

"I know," I begin to walk off towards it but then see Olivia. She runs toward me and throws her arms around me.

"We survived!" She says as she pulls away.

"Barely," I tell her and raise my hand.

"Oh my god, what happened?" Her eyes widen with concern.

"The scalpel," I say vaguely with a faint smile.

"Ugh, you poor thing. And it didn't even get you out of the hike?"

"It was too late at that point. It happened this morning." I explain.

"Well," she glances over to where Dan stands out of earshot. "Did Dan at least rescue the damsel in distress?"

I flush slightly, "Hardly, more like proceed to lecture me on the dangers of my scheming." I roll my eyes. "Anyways, I have to go get stitches now."

"Okay see you!" She calls as I walk off.

When I return 20 minutes later nearly everyone is back. Including Melanie who is standing looking chummy with Dan.

"Poor you!" Melanie exclaims as I approach them. "Dan told me all about your injury. You really are accident prone aren't you?"

I wince at her words, biting back a snide remark. "I'm fine," I say simply instead. "Anyways, I'm leaving my car is here."

"You can't leave! They haven't passed out the certificates yet." Melanie gives me a pleading look. "Plus, I was going to invite you to my family cabin in Pennsylvania. You should come, Olivia, Lila, Devries, Kipton and even Dan are coming!" She nudges him playfully and I feel a weird pang.

I feign a polite smile and take on a regretful tone. "I wish I could. But my cat is boarded and I have to pick her up."

Dan cuts in, "I'm sure she'll be fine for a few more days. You should come."

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Right, I'm sure he'd love for me to come and join him and his new girlfriend at the romantic cabin getaway. I don't face him as I say, "No, I really should get back. She hates those places. But thanks so much for inviting me." I lean in to hug her and the smell of coconut fills my nostrils. Of course, it does, even when we've been in the woods for two weeks.

"It was so good to meet you, Blair. I'll text you next time I'm in the city." She beams at me.

"Definitely!" I echo her sorority girl tone, mentally praying she doesn't. Because if she was in the city, it would probably give her and Dan even more time together and the last thing I would want would be to hang out the three of us.

I make my way over to the other friends I made and echo similar goodbyes. Except I genuinely do hope to see Olivia again so my offer for her to come visit me is completely sincere. Once I've finished, I start to turn back towards the parking lot where my car waits but find Dan is behind me.

"I'll help you carry your bags to the car." Dan offers and I try to reject his offer but he's already picked up my backpack and duffel bag.

"Thanks," I say as we walk to the car. "So Melanie's should be fun…" I try to hide the jealousy from my tone.

He shrugs, "I guess so. I figured I might as well go, it's not like I have anything better to do back in the city."

"Right. Well, anyways I guess I'll see you around." We've reached the car and the driver takes my bags so we're left standing empty-handed and awkwardly. "This was… quite an experience." I manage at least.

"It was." Dan says, not smiling. There's an awkward moment where neither of know what to do and I think of just sliding into the car but then he hugs me and the sudden physical contact renders me speechless. "I'll see you back in the city."

I realize I don't think we've ever actually hugged. That's definitely not a very Waldorf thing to do. Air kisses or handshakes only as greetings and goodbyes. Must be a Brooklyn thing, I think to myself. But I chide myself a moment later as I feel a pang of regret when I pull away from his embrace. "Bye," I say climbing into the car and not looking back. I can't look back because if I do he might see how it's paining me to go. Or at least to leave him behind with the girl he wanted instead of me.

As the door shuts behind me I watch him walk back to Melanie. I'm on my way to civilization I remind myself as the car pulls away, I try to smile but fail. So instead I sink back into my seat, ready for the long and lonely car ride home watching as the retreat recedes.


	11. Chapter 11

There is no greater sound than that of my heels clicking on the marble floors of my apartment. I ditched those hiking boots the second we reached the New York City county line. Surveying my apartment which looks as pristine as I left it, I have never felt so relieved to be home in my whole entire life. I breathe in the aroma of the Diptyque candle Dorota must have lit before she left for the day and sigh happily. I can already feel my sanity returning to me and feel the wilderness induced brain fog evaporation.

Naturally, the first thing I do is head straight to the master bathroom. Any lingering trace of that hellish retreat shall be scrubbed, shaved, and slathered off of my body. The bottles of L'occitane practically sing to me as I reach for them.  _I missed you too_ , I tell them mentally.

One hour later and I'm sitting at my vanity, staring at the reflection which I missed. The real me. Lightly contoured cheekbones, a lipsticked pout, shimmering eyes, and a makeup-induced glow. I slip out of my silk robe and put on a cable knit Alice + Olivia sweater and black Rag & Bone skinny trousers. Sliding into a pair of strappy ballet flats, I dial the number of the boarding facility.

"Hi, this is Blair Waldorf and I am calling to have you prepare Cat for pickup. I'll be arriving in 15 minutes." I say into my phone as I enter the foyer of my apartment.

"Ms. Waldorf, I pulled up our records and it appears Cat was picked up 13 days ago." The receptionist says calmly.

"What the fuck?" I say in a startled voice. I take a deep breath, they must have me mixed up with someone else. "I dropped off an orange tabby cat two weeks ago, I just returned today from my trip. I couldn't possibly have picked her up already."

"Of course not, Ms. Waldorf." Her tone is veering toward condescension and I feel my frustration mounting. "It says here a… Mr. Aaron Rose picked up your pet. Does that sound familiar?"

 _Oh. My. God. This has got to be a joke._  Deep breath, I tell myself. I quickly get the receptionist off the phone and head straight to Aaron's. I don't even bother knocking when I arrive, I use my spare key and barrel in, ready to unleash my fury. "What the  _fucking_  fuck, Aaron? What did you do with my cat?"

I locate him looking completely alarmed at my sudden appearance as he rises from where he sat on a barcalounger.

"Hello to you too, sis." He says calmly and walks over to me. I now notice the strong, familiar scent of weed that always hangs around.

"Where is Cat? Is this a joke Aaron? What did you do with her?" I push past him to search the living room.

Aaron holds up both hands in mock surrender. "Woah, chill." Then he holds up one finger, "One second…"

I follow him as he opens the door to his bedroom and to my utter astonishment and immense relief I see Cat laying on a scratch post. I run over and check that she is alive my running my hand behind her ears and she meows, confirming my worry was for not. "Cat," I breathe into her fur as I pick her up. "How ever did you get here?"

"Surprise," Aaron says cheerily. "I felt really bad about forgetting to watch her so I got the boarding information from Dan and picked her up after you guys left."

I turn sharply to face him and narrow my eyes, "Dan was in on this?"

"Yeah, he thought it was a good idea." Aaron shrugs.

"Of course, he did," I mutter in an undertone. Even from afar he's still managing to fuck with my life. I inspect Cat for damages and find none. "So she's been fine this whole time? Nothing happened to her?"

"Of course not, we're buds." He rubs behind her ears and she purrs. "She loves it here, she probably is sad to leave. Look what I got her," He gestures to the scratch post which has various levels for her to climb. I then notice there is not only a cat bed but also a ton of toys covering the surrounding floor. Beside that are two filled dishes, one with water and one with food. I feel an unexpected swell of emotion as I survey it.

"Oh," I say and swallow hard. "Wow, you really did look after her." I steel myself, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I just am surprised at how… reliable you turned out to be."

"No worries," Aaron starts to say but I cut him off.

"Really, I sort of realized while I was away," I leave out the part that Dan was actually the one who made me realize. "That I've been rather hard on you, and I'm sorry. You're a good brother when you're not stoned out of your mind." I smile jokingly.

"Thanks, that means a lot." He gives me a sincere smile and then tentative reaches forward for a hug. A little reluctantly I lean in and hug him back, losing my tension after a moment. Once I pull away Aaron speaks again. "So where is Dan anyway? He hasn't gotten back yet, didn't you guys ride together?"

"No, we did not. I took a town car back into the city. Dan is off with Melanie at her family's cabin." I say, vaguely.

"Who's Melanie?" Aaron glances up from petting Cat to ask.

"This  _super cute_  sorority girl he met while camping. He likes her, she likes him, happily ever after and all that I guess." I say sardonically

"That's weird." Aaron says, frowning.

"Why?" I question. "Who wouldn't like a cute girl named Melanie who has a first aid certification, is tan, blonde, and a skilled hiker?" I try not to sound too envious.

"Dan." Aaron says right away. "Dan doesn't like cute girls named Melanie. Dan likes you."

I freeze, unable to speak for a moment. Until I ask a little weakly, "What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on Blair. You know…" Aaron says, laughing.

"Know what?"

"Didn't he finally tell you? I figured that was why he was going on the trip. To finally confess his undying love for you." Aaron rolls his eyes as though this is perfectly obvious.

"What are you talking about Aaron? That's far from what happened on that trip." I say incredulously. "Dan doesn't like me and certainly doesn't love me. Trust me, I would know."

Aaron laughs, "Obviously you don't, I realize that now. But I always thought you knew and that's why you were so irritated by his presence. Dan has been in love with you since like the second he saw you. I don't get why though. You've only ever been mean to him."

I shake my head, "You are really, really off base here."

"No, I'm not." Aaron counters.

I let out a breath in frustration, unable to continue this debate. So I decide to say the words that will win the debate even though they will simultaneously humiliate me. "Dan rejected me while camping. I kissed him, twice, and then he changed his mind and went after Melanie."

Aaron looks shellshocked for a moment before composing himself. Then he shrugs, "I guess he is finally cured. You should have kissed him a long time ago then if that was all it took."

"If only…" I say in a low whisper.

As I'm leaving his apartment, Aaron stops me suddenly. "Shit, I almost forgot to tell you. I'm throwing our parents a surprise party tomorrow. It's their 20th wedding anniversary."

"You are?" I say in surprise.

"Yeah, I would have included you in the planning but you were unreachable being on the retreat and everything so I took charge. Dorota helped though. I think you'll be pretty impressed with what we came up with." Aaron says casually.

"I am pretty impressed that you even thought to do that so I am looking forward to it. What time should I get there?" I ask, smiling and simultaneously realizing it might be the first time I've ever willingly smiled at my brother.

"Whenever you want. We mostly have it covered."

"I'll still come early." I need a distraction and this couldn't be better timed.

"No more than 50. We expect about 40 will actually show up."

"Okay, then I will see you tomorrow morning." I wave goodbye and slide into the town car. Already trying to focus my brain in on the party and away from everything Aaron just said about Dan. I won't let my mind even contemplate the possibility of what he said. Because it couldn't be true. It just couldn't.

Luckily, I'm an ace at deception so I have no trouble keeping the secret from my mother at dinner that night. After dropping Cat back off at home, I head to the penthouse and am pleased to see my mother and two large glasses of wine waiting for me at the dining table.

"Blair, I missed you, darling." She kisses both of my cheeks and surveys me. "What's wrong? I thought you'd come back glowing from all that fresh air. Did you have a good time?"

"It was fine," I say sliding into a seat at the table. I take a sip of the red wine, delighting in the liquid which I missed so much.

"Blair…" My mother always knows how to get the truth out.

"It was fine, really. Just not what I thought exactly. I guess I thought I would find answers or find myself or something cliche like that. But instead, I only feel more confused than ever."

"Confused about what?" She questions me further as our salads are set out in front of us.

"I don't know," I shake my head. "It's nothing really. It just feels so good to be back."

She seems to think for a moment, probably wondering if she should press further than she changes the subject. "So did you see Aaron?"

"I did, actually. I went over there to pick up Cat." I say piercing a tomato with my fork.

"Wasn't that sweet of him? I was so surprised when he said he was doing that."

"You knew too? Did everyone know he had Cat except me?" My tone is incredulous and I furrow my brow at her.

"Of course, I encouraged it. But I think it was mainly Daniel's idea and of course, Aaron always listens to him."

"I guess so," I say uneasily. I reach for a topic that doesn't relate to Dan and come up blank.

"So did he follow you around the whole time?" My mother fills the silence.

"Who?" I look up from my salad.

"Daniel." She says in an obvious tone.

"Oh, I suppose he did. For most of the trip at least." I am purposefully vague.

My mother nods, "I figured he would. That poor boy, so hopeless."

"He is rather hopeless, that hair especially." I try for a wry smile but it falters.

"That too. But that isn't exactly what I meant." She says slowly.

"Then, what did you mean?" I am eager to continue discussing Dan's flaws. Maybe she will point out one I had never notice and it'll shake me into reality and make me realize pining after Dan Humphrey is ridiculous.

"I've always sympathized a bit with him. Wasting all his years away pining after you and following you around like a puppy. Then there you are, completely ignorant of his feelings and just bossing him around." I freeze at her words.  _Pining after me?_

"What are you talking about?" I say, feeling deja vu of my earlier conversation with Aaron.

"Oh, Blair, come on. Playing dumb is not very becoming of you. I'm all for modesty but it's just you and me, you can be real with me. You know that's the truth." Eleanor chides.

"Is this a scheme concocted by you and Aaron while I was away? Because he literally said the same thing and let me tell you, you both are so wrong."

Eleanor sighs, "Well clearly we see what you have failed to." She mulls as she sips her wine. "Ever since that first Thanksgiving, he's been stuck on you as though you were each two halves of a magnet. If you were in the kitchen, so was Dan. If you were running an errand Dan would come. Like the pumpkin pies! Every single year that boy would insist on going to get the pies with you." Her eyes light up in memory.

"The pumpkin pies?" I echo, dumbfounded.

"The most amusing part, which I don't think you ever even realized is that ridiculous excuse he gave so he could come with you."

I still stare at her in puzzlement.

At my silence, she continues. "That first year, he had offered to go with you to get the pies. At first, you said yes but then you decided it would make more sense for him to just go on his own, so you could stay back and help do something else. Or more likely stay back and text your boyfriend." She rolls her eyes. "Well, then Dan told you that you'd have to come too because the order would be in your surname and they wouldn't allow him to get it without the person who ordered present. He even said you would have to come with your ID, I mean, it was ridiculous. What bakery would have such strict order pickup practices?"

Recognition of the memory flashes across my face. It's suddenly coming back to me. "Wait, but you said that was true. I remember being skeptical, I didn't think I had ever needed my ID before to pick them up so I asked you and you said Dan was right and that we both had to go."

Eleanor cackles, "Of course, I wasn't going to ruin his plan. I thought it was cute and clever. Who am I to stand in the way of love? I figured maybe one year, once he was old enough, you'd finally notice him."

I nearly choke on my wine. "Either way, he doesn't love me anymore." Perhaps it's the wine or the need to tell someone but I feel my held back emotion coming back.

Eleanor looks at me expectantly, "Blair?"

I look up sadly, "Dan doesn't like me, at all. I kissed him at the retreat, and I don't know, things went downhill from there. I guess he just liked someone else," I look back down in defeat. "He ended up going with this girl, Melanie, to her family's cabin instead of heading back to the city."

"And you're upset about it?" Eleanor says, gently.

I want to say no, I want to pretend like Dan doesn't affect me whatsoever but I can't. Instead, I just nod.

"It just doesn't make sense to me. That boy has liked you for years and suddenly he doesn't?" She shakes her head. "I simply refuse to believe it."

"Well, believe it." I say cynically

"Until Daniel stops switching the placecards at the Thanksgiving dinner table I will not." Eleanor says resolutely. I stare back blankly so she continues.

"You really are oblivious aren't you? Every year he would take whoever's place card was next to yours and swap it with his so he'd be seated by you. I would have been annoyed at him disturbing my carefully crafted seating arrangement had it not been so endearing. By far my favorite rearrangement was three years ago. Aaron had rang me the week before to let me know that Dan would be bringing a date. I thought to myself, 'Well the spell has finally been broken.' So I sat you and him on opposite ends of the table, thinking it didn't matter so long as he was next to his date. Well shortly after everyone has arrived including Dan and Sandrine, who is so lovely. Do you remember her?"

"Not really…" I shake my head. I'm so engrossed in the story I can barely speak.

"She was so cute, she was Parisian and on an exchange program through the university. I believe she and Daniel had been dating for a couple of months at that point. Well, right before dinner, I go into the dining room and notice your placecard is now next to Dan's and Aaron has been moved to sitting next to Carter where you were supposed to be. That poor girl, I think Dan barely said four words to her. You and he were talking the whole time through dinner and I had never seen him look so thrilled as to have your attention."

"I remember," I say suddenly. "I was mad at Carter that night," I roll my eyes. "I was so glad to not have to sit next to him. I think I would have talked to anyone, even Cyrus' mother over Carter."

Eleanor tilts her head skeptically, "Is that so?"

"But Dan did say something of interest, I don't really remember what now. I think we were talking about an exhibition we had both attended. It's so funny though that I never realized he had a date there. I sort of do remember her now, she was pretty. I think I thought she was with Aaron."

"That's who she ended up spending most of her time with since Dan wasn't paying any attention to her." Eleanor smiles. "See, if a gorgeous Parisian can't make him forget you then I doubt this Melanie girl could."

I decide it's not worth contradicting her anymore, she clearly has her mind made up about the situation. So instead of refuting, I nod and drink my wine.

I'm still wary of the fact that Dan could love me. But I can't ignore the evidence that he at the very least had a crush on me. I mean, he even admitted it to me. Yet, I was blind to it. At first, it was excusable, he was far too young for me. But what about once he got older? If only I had known. Maybe we wouldn't have ended up spending two weeks in the wilderness fighting and in the end, barely even speaking. As I get in the town car to be driven home, I can't help but let my mind trace back the years, desperate for clues and signals. I watch the blur of city lights pass me by, feeling a thousand miles away. All the while wishing I could go back to that Thanksgiving when I was the only one who could capture Dan's attention.


	12. Chapter 12

"Ms. Blair, you look radiant. I thought you come back from wilderness with rats in hair and ruined complexion but I was wrong. You be belle of the ball." Dorota beams at me in the mirror after she's finished zipping up my dress.

I scan my appearance, the color of my collar-adorned pale pink lace Self-Portrait dress highlights the tan I got while on the trip. My strappy Alexandre Birman black velvet sandals make my lightly tanned legs look far longer than they are and I must say, Dorota is right. Perhaps the trip wasn't a total waste. I smile at her, "Thanks, Dorota."

Aaron was true to his word and got nearly everything ready all by himself with the help of Dorota and a few other staff he employed. I barely had to lift a finger although I tried.

"We go down to party now? Guests should be arriving any minute and then Mr. Cyrus and Mrs. Eleanor will be here one hour after that." Dorota gestures for me to follow her out of my room.

I walk down the stairs seeing that it appears someone has already arrived. I expected all of the guests would be 50 and over but judging by the lack of grey in his dark hair and his tall and lean frame, I think perhaps I was wrong. I feel a flutter of anticipation, wondering who the mystery guy is.

As I descend the final steps, he turns and my breath halts. I am rendered paralyzed at the very sight of him. No, I think to myself. I am hallucinating. This has got to be a hallucination. My eyes register Aaron turning and saying something, his muffled voice calls out, "Blair, finally! Look who made it!"

It's true then. Dan Humphrey is in my apartment. Not in Pennsylvania where he should be. But here, in  _my_  apartment. Except, his hair looks trimmed and he is wearing a well-tailored suit in a dove grey hue that's stylish, too stylish for someone from Brooklyn. I march straight for him and with no preamble, I say, "What are you doing here?"

"Fancy seeing you here, Blair." Dan says smiling at me, easily.

"Right? What a coincidence that I should be here in  _my own_  apartment at a party hosted in honor of  _my_  parents?" I shoot back incredulously.

"Blair," Aaron says placatingly. "Sorry, I told him he could come. I guess I should have asked."

I morph my expression into one of polite graciousness and force a smile. "You know what? It's fine. Actually, it's great you are here, Dan. The more the merrier, right? Let's just keep the board games and tent stakes away from us and I'm sure we will be fine, right Dan?"

"Right," He says, skeptically. Before he can say anything else, the doorbell rings. I'm about to go answer it when Aaron excuses him and makes his way over to it before I can. Just when I was thinking he was a better brother than I thought he not only invites Dan but then proceeds to leave me alone with him.

"By the way," I begin, remembering yet another thing he's done to annoy me besides being present. "Thank you for the heads up that Cat was picked up by Aaron. That was fun being informed that my pet wasn't where I thought she was and having a mild panic attack thinking she had been stolen."

Dan winces, "Sorry, I meant to tell you. I just never got the chance."

"I'm sure you did." I smile tightly. "Anyways, I am off to get a drink. Spending an evening with a bunch of over-the-hill'ers will require it."

"Blair, be a good host and offer to get him a drink." I turn around and glare at Aaron.

"He's your guest, get him a drink yourself." I shoot back. "Besides, I'm not sure Dan would trust a drink poured by me anyways. I wouldn't at least."

"She's right. I'm better off getting it myself, I'll follow you to the bar, Blair." He trails behind me as I lead the way to the bar cart in the kitchen. Having him join me wasn't exactly what I had in mind but clearly he missed that I was ditching him with the drink excuse before.

"Personally, I suggest the hard stuff since like I said before we are about to be surrounded by the eldest of Manhattan's elite which means too much perfume, wet kisses on the cheek, and attempts at setting us up with their 'very eligible' niece or nephew." I instruct him as pouring myself a gin and tonic.

"Sounds like my type of party." He says sarcastically, smiling at me. Once we have our drinks we return to the living room. There are about 15 people in total now and Aaron is standing by the front door greeting people like a dutiful host.

"How's your hand?" Dan asks me as we hang back in the corner, trying to avoid having to make small talk with strangers.

"Fine, I guess." I raise my palm and survey it even though it's hidden beneath a butterfly-shaped bandage.

"Checking out Blair's battle scar? I still haven't gotten to see it myself." Aaron joins us, allowing his aunt to take over greeting guests for a bit.

"He doesn't need to check it out. He saw the live show of it happening." I say.

Aaron leans in to survey it closer, the stitches visible through the bandage. "Oh, sick. That really is bad. Man, what did you let happen to my sister?" He says to Dan.

"It wasn't my fault." Dan replies defensively.

Aaron turns to me and I reaffirm Dan's statement. "Scheme gone wrong." I say simply.

"Of course it was." Aaron says, shaking his head. "Your guys' turn to greet guests now by the way." He walks off to get a drink before we can even object.

"Duty calls," Dan points us toward the doorway and after just 5 minutes of greeting the guests I'm relieved for Dan's presence. I mean, most of these people are seriously old. I attribute it to Cyrus' age since most of my mother's friends are only in their 50s. We manage to sneak back away as soon as Aaron returns.

"How much longer until they get here?" Dan asks me as I refill my drink at the bar cart. I glance at the antique clock on the wall.

Dan's imminent reply is cut off as Dorota begins shaking my arm to get my attention. "Ms. Blair! Ms. Blair! Doorman just rang to say they are coming. Hide! Hide!" She suddenly shoves us into the coat closet and shuts the door.

"What the hell?" I exclaim as we are submerged in darkness. I am acutely aware of the fact that I am literally pressed against Dan in a tiny closet that's barely 4 feet wide. I go to reach for the doorhandle but Dan's hand catches mine, stopping me.

"You can't go out yet, didn't you hear her? Your mom and Cyrus are coming up. Do you want the surprise they discover to be us arguing in the hallways or their closest friends and family screaming Surprise as tradition states?"

"The latter can't possibly happen since you're here and I'd hardly include you in the realm of close friends and family." I glare at him even though he can't see me. "Besides, it's my apartment they'll expect me to be waiting to receive them. So I should go out and you should stay in here."

"Why so you can lock me in from the outside and leave me here for dead?" Dan shoots back.

"That's actually not a bad idea. Thanks, for the suggestion." I let out a breath. "Ugh, there's like zero oxygen in here. Stop breathing so heavily you're taking up my air." I jab him in the side. "And don't stand so close to me, you're invading my personal space."

"In case you hadn't noticed there's nowhere else to stand."

"How about somewhere far far away from here? Like Pennsylvania for example? I'm sure Melanie has some really spacious closets she would love to give you a tour of." I can't bite back the edge to my tone and I hate how jealous I sound.

"I wouldn't know. I didn't go." Dan says earnestly.

I can't help but feel a swell of relief even though I wish his words didn't affect me. I try to think of how to respond. Think of something witty, I tell myself. But before I can I hear the elevator ping and the closet door is flung open. All at once a chorus of "Surprise!" bursts out and I step out the closet with a plastered on smile.

I don't get the chance to resume my unfinished conversation with Dan until an hour or two later when I'm standing in my old bedroom. I came up desperate to get away from all the questions of "What happened?" about me and Carter and all the pitying looks.

Just as I'm sitting at the end of the bed, contemplating how awry this summer has gone, I look up and see Dan in my doorway. Perfect timing, I think to myself.

"Aaron said you might be up here." He says, still standing at the threshold.

"Not the best hiding place I guess. Came to drag me back to the party?" I exhale in dismay.

"No, actually. I came to talk. Can I come in?" The hopeful look he gives me makes my stomach flip over and nod.

"So what did you want to talk about?" I say looking up at him as he stands a safe distance away.

"I thought we should maybe get back to our conversation earlier, in the closet." He clarifies.

"Ah, because it was off to such a great start." I remark with a wry smile.

"But maybe this time we can talk without trading insult and injury?"

"No promise. But I'll try." I decide it'll be easier to talk to him if I don't have to look at him so I gesture for him to sit down next to me. He sits on the opposite end beside me and clasps his hands. I can't help but ask the question I've been wondering this whole, endless day. "So why aren't you in Pennsylvania? Choosing to spend your Saturday in a room full of WASPs instead with a sorority girl who's practically begging for it seems like an odd choice to put it lightly. In fact, I bet you're regretting that right about now."

"Begging for it?" Dan scoffs and I glance over to see his furrowed brow. "Anyways I thought we agreed to have a ceasefire."

"Fine, you're right." I let out a breath. "In fact, I was thinking there might be a way to make it a little easier to do that."

"Which is?" Dan asks after the silence stretches with my procrastination.

I steel myself, knowing exactly what I need to say next for what feels like the first time. "I realized that I haven't always been very nice to you, or at all. But you've always been more than kind to me and I want to change that. I know what a mess the last two weeks were but let's face it, it's not like we're never going to see each other again. So for the sake of everyone around us and ourselves I guess, I was hoping we could start over."

"Start over?" Dan echoes in surprise.

I nod, "You know, forget all about what happened at the retreat and start from the beginning." To demonstrate, I stretch out my hand through the distance between us. "I'm Blair Waldorf, you must be Dan. Aaron has told me so much about you."

He stares at my hand, not taking it and I feel more and more idiotic by the second. So much for my gesture. I drop my hand swiftly and give him a sharp look. "Or not. Sorry for making an effort." I exhale sharply and rise up from the bed. As I'm mid-storm off when his voice halts me.

"I don't want to start over and I don't want to forget what happened between us. I should have told you that the first time but I didn't. And there's a lot actually that I should have told you that maybe would have made a difference. You asked why I'm here and not in Pennsylvania, Blair, and that's why. To say all the unsaid things."

I turn slowly, not believing my ears and I see he's standing now, just a few feet away from me.

My eyes search his face desperately, trying to read between the lines. But I don't know what he means so I stay silent, waiting.

"I already told you.. Some of it I suppose. That from the moment I met you I had a thing for you. It started out as a crush because what else could it be? I was either too young for you so by default off your radar or you were engaged. Even if I could find a way to make you notice me, there was no opportunity." He looks away for a moment. "Until you called off the engagement. Everything changed when I found out. Suddenly you weren't the dream girl I always wanted but could never have, you were available. So I decided I was going to make my move because I didn't want to miss my chance, even if it was a little soon. It was I think a month after or so when you were moving into your new place. Do you remember that day?" He looks at me expectantly.

"Sort of, I think." I try to trace back to that day but still draw a blank so Dan continues.

"Aaron was supposed to help you but forgot so I stepped in. I wasn't going to do anything dramatic, I just was going to ask you to get coffee with me sometime. We had finished moving up the last of your things and I had worked up my nerve to ask you. But right as I was about to…"

I interrupt him, the memory finally returning to me. My hands fly to my face, shielding myself. "Oh god, I cried didn't I? I think I blocked out that memory because it was so embarrassing but I totally had a meltdown."

Dan winces, "To put it lightly, yes. So obviously I realized you were in no place to be asked out, even if it was just to coffee, and you were far too vulnerable. I'd feel so selfish. So instead I sat with you for a bit until you told me you'd be fine and that I'd helped enough."

"Did I even say thank you?" I pray that I did.

"You did, you were really gracious. You even dropped off a case of really nice craft beers the next day and a thank you note." Dan informs me and I feel relieved.

"So why didn't you do anything after that?" I say confused, from what he said it sounded like he was just going to wait a bit.

"It was something you said while you were upset. I realized once and for all that I would never have you." Dan says with a pained expression on his face.

My eyes widen, "Do I want to know?"

"You said, 'Look what my life has become. What kind of a loser has to have their brother's roommate help them move in?' It was the final blow. That's all I was to you and all I would ever be."

I furrow my brow in confusion. "That doesn't sound that bad, I don't get it."

"It became so clear that all I was to you was no more than Aaron's roommate and best friend. I just was someone that happened to be there and I was totally inconsequential to you."

I shake my head adamantly. "That's not how I meant it." I remember now exactly how I was feeling that day. "I thought you pitied me and that's why you were helping. Besides, my world had sort of just fallen apart as you knew given you were a witness. Didn't I deserve a bit of a break for what I said?"

I feel frustration build up as I realize that all that stood between me and him having a real chance a minor blip in the wake of my broken engagement. How could he give up so easily? I feel entirely skeptical of his supposed enduring crush. If he really cared at all, he would've tried again.

"It was more like I saw that if it wasn't a breakup that was the current obstacle, it would be something else. You were a girl from the Upper East Side and I was a guy from Brooklyn. We were fundamentally different and even if you were single and ready to date again, I would be the last person you'd want."

"You don't know that." I object.

"Either way, Blair, you were a pipe dream and I needed to move on. So I decided I would finally do just that. That year, I spent Thanksgiving with my family and avoided being home if Aaron mentioned you would be stopping by our apartment which was hardly ever. Then, I signed up for the retreat thinking it was the perfect final step to move on. I would do the most un-Blair Waldorf activity possible and meet a girl that was the opposite of you, fall in love, and forget all about-" He halts before beginning again. "My feelings for you. But then I found out you were going on the retreat and for the first time in almost a year, I let myself wonder if the cards weren't stacked against us."

I take in his words, my mind reeling. Then, I say the first thing that comes to mind. "Then why did you turn me down?"

Dan frowns, "I didn't turn you down."

"Yes, you did." I say bitterly. "You said and I quote, 'No, we can't. Don't make me go into the specifics as to when exactly you said it."

Suddenly, a frustrated look crosses Dan's face and he looks angry with me. "Have you not been paying attention at all to what I've been saying? Blair, I've wanted you for the past 5 years. The last thing I wanted was to 'have fun.'"

My brow creases. "What do you mean?"

"'Stop worrying and just have fun' was what you said to me." He looks me dead in the eye, voice grave. "I hadn't spent that long wanting you just to have you for one night."

I feel a chill spread over me and my skin prickles at his words. My voice drops, so it's soft and low. I'm almost afraid to speak, "Why didn't you just tell me that?"

"How could I tell you then? How could I tell the girl who didn't even know my last name the week before that I had been in love with her from the moment I met her? Besides we were drunk and you already looked so mad at me."

"You should have told me." I repeat, staring down at my hands. I force myself to look at him. "That wasn't some alcohol influenced encounter. The moment I kissed you that second night at the retreat, it was like a switch flicked and I realized how blind I had been all along. I wanted you, Dan, before the alcohol, afterward, even when we were fighting on that stupid hike. I just thought you didn't want me back." His expression softens but mine doesn't as a thought strikes me. "What about Melanie?"

"What about her?" He says, not seeing the point.

"If you wanted me  _so badly_  why did you spend the rest of the trip flirting with her and even agree to go to her cabin with her."

"I didn't flirt with her." Dan says adamantly. "But you did write me off. What else was I supposed to do? She asked me to partner up with her and I said yes because I had no one else. I had a feeling she might like me but unless I knew for certain I didn't feel a need to make things awkward by rejecting her."

"So you led her on instead?" I say, an edge to my voice.

"I didn't mean to. And to be honest, I wanted to like her. I wanted to pretend you didn't exist and like I wasn't still pining after you so I tried to like her. But I couldn't, it was always you on my mind."

"Did you go to Pennsylvania? Or almost go? Like, did you start driving there?" I ask in a rush. I don't know why but this seems to matter to me immensely.

He looks me fiercely in the eye and says steadily, "The second you left that retreat, I realized I could never go and the only place I wanted to be was with you. I packed up my things and started driving to the city without a backwards glance."

"Do you still want me? Even now?" I don't care if I sound pathetic or desperate, I have to know.

"Even now." He doesn't look away.

I hadn't realized I was holding my breath until I feel it rush out of me. Unbidden, I lean forward and meet my lips to mine. I kiss him in a desperate daze, my hands reach up to his chest and I feel his lips kiss me back just as urgently. Time freezes as I get lost in the moment, my head swirling with his declaration, the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me in my entire life. Including Carter's proposal. Then, I realize I need to say something too.

"I'm sorry. For not seeing you and for not letting you show me how you felt." I shake my head. "I suppose I could have handled things at the retreat a little better."

Dan nods solemnly, "I suppose. It might have made things a little easier, to say the least. Maybe you wouldn't have ended up with this." He reaches for my hand and inspects the covered wound. "I hate that you got hurt because of our fight."

"Don't blame yourself," I say adamantly. "I'll admit when I'm wrong and that scheme was so so wrong. I mean, it's lucky I guess that all it amounted to was this. But on the brightside, having two scars makes me look so much more badass than returning from that granola paradise scarless and refreshed."

Dan laughs, "No one needs to know how you actually got them anyways."

"Exactly." I nod and smile back. "Glad we agree on that. Shall we start concocting the cover story?"

"Maybe later," Dan says coyly, leaning in.

I feel his hand cup my cheek as our lips meet and I tighten my grip on his shirt in response. I need more than this, I realize and just as my hands begin to trail to the lapel of his jacket, about to push it off him until the sound of the door halts my action.

"Blair, your mom and my dad want to open their-" Aaron stops midsentence. "Fuck, just going to pretend I didn't see that."

I look over to see a hand over his eyes and him backing out of the room.

Dan and I pull away briskly. "Shit, sorry, man." Dan begins to say.

I laugh instead, "Oh Aaron, you are so hypocritical. Do you even know how many times I have walked in or almost walked in on you in a far worse state?" I roll my eyes. "We're right behind you so we can do the presents now."

I turn back and reach for Dan's hand, "Coming?"

He entwines his hand in mind and gives me a smile that makes me feel lit up from within.

* * *

**Thanksgiving**

_3 Months Later_

As the doors to the penthouse open, Dan squeezes my hand once before we step into the penthouse. The smell of pumpkin pie trails in with us as we head for the kitchen.

"Oh good, the pies!" Eleanor says as soon as she spots us.

"Good to see you too mother," I say, smiling and leaning in to hug her.

"Happy Thanksgiving," Dan says, greeting my mother and hugging her. Then he turns to me, "Shall we go check out this year's seating arrangements?"

I nod and follow him into the dining room. We scan the table looking for our adjacent namecards but find mine 4 spots away from his on the opposite side. I wrinkle my nose, "What the hell mom?" I say even though she can't hear me.

In response, Dan takes my card and swaps it with the one besides his. "Much better," He smiles satisfactorily.

Just as he does so, Eleanor enters the dining room. I round on her, "Mother, why didn't you seat us together?"

"Thanksgiving is all about traditions darling, how could I let the opportunity for my favorite one pass me by? I knew Dan would take care of it." She smiles at him, knowingly.

"What can I say?" He says, with a grin. "Old habits die hard."

"I'm glad they do," I say reaching for his hand and squeezing it. "That's one tradition I hope never ends."

As soon as my mother has left the room again, I lean in and start kissing Dan. We're interrupted though moments later when I hear Aaron's voice.

"Remember the days when I used to be able to walk into a room and not see the two of you at it again?" He says, turning around and heading back into the kitchen.

"That happens way too often." I roll my eyes, shaking my head.

"Maybe it doesn't have to." Dan says after Aaron is gone.

I turn and look at him quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, maybe there's a way we can stop being interrupted by Aaron."

I stare blankly, still not getting it. "What would that be? Kick him out of his own apartment and even go so far as to banish him from New York City? Because that's the only way I see that happening."

"Nothing that extreme." Dan laughs.

"Well, then what?"

Dan exhales, "Okay clearly you don't understand what I'm getting at even though I thought it was more romantic to be subtle I guess I need to spell it out."

"Please," I say, more confused than ever.

"I was trying to ask you to move in with me. In a place of our own." He says looking hopefully at me.

"Oh," I say feeling stupid and wishing I had caught onto his sweet implication. I feel my a familiar flutter and nod. "But only as a means to give us more privacy?" I can't hide the disappointed note in my voice.

"Of course not," Dan says, smiling. "That just would be a bonus."

"Are you sure it's not too soon?" I ask skeptically even though all I want to do is say yes and start looking for apartments right now.

"I think there's no such thing as too soon when it comes to you. I already spent 5 years in love with you, I am more than certain that if you being engaged to someone else didn't dissuade me, living with you certainly won't. Besides if we survived sharing a cabin in basically what was your personal hell, I am pretty sure we can survive sharing an apartment."

"I wouldn't say the retreat was my personal hell." I say defensively.

Dan gives me a look.

"Okay maybe a little," I amend. "But it had its moments and it helped get us together." I step in closer to him, feeling his warmth against me.

"So?" Dan asks.

"Yes." I say with absolute certainty before leaning in and pressing a smile to his lips. "So now what?"

"Well, now that that's sorted maybe we should go enjoy our first real Thanksgiving together." He says, grabbing my hand to lead the way.

"What might that be like?" I ask following him out of the dining room.

"For starters, you'll actually notice me-"

"I always noticed me."

"Properly notice me." Dan amends. "And I won't have to vie for your attention all night."

"But I like when you vie for my attention." I give him a playful smile.

"Fine, I'll still vie for your attention but you'll vie for mine too." He says with a wry grin.

"Deal." I feel a glow of happiness, true sustainable happiness, that I haven't felt in a long time, or perhaps ever. I give him one more glance and add a kiss for a good measure since after all, I know that this feeling is because of him before I step through the double doors of the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End :) 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I'll be continuing sharing Dair stories with another multichapter fic, Accidentally Best Friends which sees Dan and Blair as best friends.


End file.
